Sunday, June 17, 2007

“Wake up, America! It’s time to stump the experts!”

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this a time or two in the past, but one of the nifty benefits of being involved in the First Generation Radio Archives and purchasing ten or more of their Premier Collections is that…well, “membership has its privileges.”  For starters, you are recognized as a “Friend of the Archive,” and on the fifteenth of every month you receive a newsletter pointing you toward other OTR programs offered by the FGRA, including discounts on special collections and access to their “Bargain Bin” and Low Generation CD library, where you can often pickup CDs for as low as $2 a pop.  Though you can certainly make a strong argument that I need more CDs for the dusty TDOY holdings like a moose meets a hat rack, I couldn’t resist picking up a 10-CD set of twenty broadcasts from the quiz show favorite Information Please—one of June’s specials and a program of which I’m become fonder and fonder with each listen.

If you’re unfamiliar with Information Please outside of the yearly almanac, you should check out this book by the Isaac Asimov of old-time radio publishing, Martin Grams—but if you’re in a hurry, allow me to crib a quick description of the program from the latest “Friends of the Archive” newsletter, composed by Director Tom Brown and Preservation Manager Harlan Zinck:

Both of us have always been fans of the more obscure shows from radio's past. We enjoy the mainstream shows like The Jack Benny Program, The Phil Harris/Alice Faye Show, and The Shadow of course -- but it's the lesser-known programs that really strike our fancy.

One that really delights Harlan is Information Please, the bright and witty quiz program hosted by Clifton Fadiman and featuring a "brain trust" of quick-witted panelists like Franklin P. Adams, John Kieran, Oscar Levant, and guests ranging from Basil Rathbone and Groucho Marx to Alexander Woollcott and Alice Duer Miller. Though at first glance, it would seem that such a program would be of primary interest to intellectuals and literary enthusiasts, those who have taken a chance and listened to a few programs have been pleased to discover that the shows were and remain highly entertaining for modern day audiences.

The very concept of the program - turning the usual game show concept backwards by making the experts, rather than the average man or woman, answer the questions - made it an early success with audiences ranging from truck drivers to college professors (particularly when none of the panelists could answer a relatively simple question). Likewise, the experts chosen to participate in the quiz, though all knowledgeable on a wide range of subjects, were not eggheads or dull researchers; Levant, for instance, made a career out of being a piano prodigy playing and composing both classical and popular pieces, as well as by being a popular character actor in the movies. John Kieran was a well-known sports columnist while Frank Adams, or 'FPA', as he was best known, had for many years authored the popular "Conning Tower" column in various New York newspapers, documenting the words, phrases, poetry, and goings-on of the Manhattan theater and literary scene. Despite their knowledge and memories, all of the regular panelists - as well as many of the guests - frequently demonstrated a very low-brow love of bad puns, old jokes, and word play -- and it was common on many a broadcast for the entire group to break into iffy barbershop harmony and perform a vocal rendition of some old-time favorite!

I am in 100% agreement with both Tom and Harlan on the merits of Information Please—and not just because they can get me work.  You see, one of the broadcasts in this CD set (from June 20, 1939) features a guest appearance (on the panel) from George Burns’ better-half, Gracie Allen—who, contrary to previous accounts, doesn’t completely abandon her “dumb Dora” persona (you gotta love Gracie—she never broke character) but at the same time demonstrates she’s got plenty of Moxie on the ball by holding her own in answering questions.  (I listened to this particular show last year for a project that is currently in limbo right now.)  So I’m really looking forward to hearing to the rest of the shows: these 1939 broadcasts include such notables as Rex Stout (Nero Wolfe’s creator), Russel Crouse, John Gunther, H.V. Kalterborn and Lillian Gish.  There’s also a February 7, 1939 broadcast featuring a young Michigan University student named Myron Wallace—whom OTR fans might remember as an announcer-performer (The Green Hornet, Sky King) and others as a celebrated investigative reporter for the CBS television network on shows like 60 Minutes (I think he was answering to “Mike” by that time).

And while I’m on the subject of the First Generation Radio Archives, just a quick reminder that you still have plenty of time to enter their Adventures by Morse contest, which will award one lucky winner a rare test pressing—a one-sided, white vinyl disc containing program #40, “Land of the Living Dead” (Chapter 1, Part 2).  All you have to do to enter is purchase one of the two Premier Collections (or both if you want two chances to win) this month, Volume 3 of Adventures by Morse or Volume 2 of The Chuck-Wagon Jamboree (hosted by Ken “Now, Matthyoo…” Curtis)…or if your tastes learn toward NTR (new-time radio), either (or both) Volume 10 or Volume 11 in the Twilight Zone radio series.  So don’t miss out—order and enter today!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

The Thief of Bad Gags

Back in October of 2006, I mentioned that I purchased some old-time radio programs from my good friend Jerry Haendiges that included broadcasts from The Jack Carson Show, The Fitch Bandwagon (the Phil Harris & Alice Faye years, before they switched to their self-titled series sponsored by Rexall) and the Ray Milland laugh fest Meet Mr. McNutley.  I also bought a fourth series from Jer, one that I had planned to write about after tucking a few episodes under my belt…well, as you know by now, it’s often hard for me to get around to things as quickly as I would like.  But since I was doing some random surfing earlier today and discovered that someone referenced a TDOY post for an entry on Wikipedia, I decided to have a listen to this series: The Texaco Star Theater, Milton Berle’s radio farewell that ran a single season on ABC Radio beginning September 22, 1948.

Berle’s television show, as you’re no doubt familiar, was also known as The Texaco Star Theater (only it was televised on NBC-TV) and became one of the contributing factors to the phenomenal number of television set purchases in the halcyon days of the new medium.  On radio, however, The Texaco Star Theater had been on the air since 1938, as the generic banner for shows starring the likes of Adolphe Menjou, John Barrymore, Ken Murray, James Melton, Tony Martin and Alan Young.  (In fact, Fred Allen’s show was known by that title while he was on CBS from 1940-44.)

When Berle’s former NBC series was axed on April 13, 1948, he moved to the Life Savers network in the fall of 1948, bringing along with him former NBC stooges Arnold Stang, Pert Kelton, Jack Albertson, announcer Frank Gallop, and writers Nat Hiken and Aaron Ruben.  (These two scribes were also joined by the Simon Brothers, Neil and Danny.)  In later years, Milton remembered it as “the best radio show I ever did…a hell of a funny variety show.” Though it, too, was doomed to last only one season—it’s every bit as hilarious as his unjustly neglected NBC program, and it’s wonderful to be able to get the opportunity to listen to what is almost the complete run of the series.  One broadcast from November 24, 1948 features this amusing exchange between Berle and Stang (who apparently rejoined the series—my guess is probably because Henry Morgan’s ABC program had been cancelled):

BERLE: Uh, what is your name, young man?
STANG (loudly) My name is Milton Berle!
BERLE: Milton Berle?
STANG: Yeah, I see you’re confused…
BERLE: Yes…
STANG: …I suppose I’d better explain…
BERLE: I wish you would…
STANG: I’m not the Milton Berle that has a shoe store in the Bronx
BERLE: You’re not…?
STANG: No…that’s the first thing people think of when they hear the name…
BERLE: Now, wait a minute…wait a minute…there’s another Milton Berle, the radio star…
STANG: Yeah, yeah, yeah…you’re making the same mistake a lot of people make…that’s Burl Ives
BERLE: Now, wait a minute…wait…wait a minute…please…look, my name is Milton Berle, too…
STANG: Oh, so you’re one of those guys who right away takes a name the minute it becomes popular, huh?
BERLE: Wait a minute…takes a name?  That’s my real name!
STANG: Milton Berle?
BERLE: Yes!
STANG: I don’t get it…if you’re here tonight…
BERLE: Yes?
STANG: …who’s watchin’ the shoe store?

This broadcast is titled “A Salute to Thanksgiving,” and the funniest bit on this (and other Berle Theater broadcasts) emanate from a feature showcased on his 1947-48 program, “(Fill-in-the-blank) Forum,” which I suspect writer Hiken “liberated” from his former boss, Fred Allen.  Here, Uncle Miltie interviews Pert Kelton’s long-suffering housewife:

BERLE: Let’s hear from the women…the lady in the second row, opening a can of beer with her tooth…Madam, uh…what is your name?
KELTON: Tallulah Feeney—I’m a homemaker…
BERLE: I see…I see…and you have a problem concerning Thanksgiving, is that…
KELTON: Yeah…how can I keep my husband from eatin’ so much rich foods?  He’s a regular Barbara Glutton
BERLE: He must like Thanksgiving, huh?
KELTON: And how…the last Thanksgivin’, the minute he woke up, he jumped out of bed and took a big bite out of the turkey…
BERLE: I see…you hadn’t cooked it yet?
KELTON: I hadn’t killed it yet…
BERLE: He eats a lot at Thanksgiving dinner?
KELTON: Oh, brother…he knocks off a huge meal and then rolls over and goes to sleep…
BERLE: But a man’s entitled to sleep after a heavy meal…
KELTON: With his head in the mashed potatoes?
BERLE: Oh!  Oh!  He’s sure a heavy eater…
KELTON: The doctor says he has a tapeworm…
BERLE: Tapeworm?  Does he watch his diet?
KELTON: Yeah…he stopped eatin’ tape…
BERLE: Well, that does it every time…
KELTON: What a clumsy jerk he is, carving our Thanksgivin’ turkey…every year he cuts off the same piece for me…
BERLE: What piece is that?
KELTON: His thumb…
BERLE: He’s really a pest around Thanksgiving, eh?
KELTON: He means well…today, he was helpin’ me in the kitchen…and it took him six hours to dress a turkey…
BERLE: Six hours?  Why, you could dress a dozen turkeys in that time…
KELTON: In slacks and sports shoes?

The Texaco Star Theater also carried over the “At Home with the Berles” feature prominently showcased during Milton’s NBC run (with Stang playing the part of Berle’s obnoxiously bratty son)—sadly, without the participation of Mary Shipp, who by that time had found steady work as night school teacher Miss Spaulding on Life with Luigi.  I’ve noticed, however, in sampling these shows that Jack Albertson was allowed to participate more in the sketches—Albertson had a recurring bit in which he played an influential figure (movie mogul, Broadway producer) infatuated with Berle (“So it was a flop…so I lost some money…I like show business…I like you…kill me!  I like you...”), but in this exchange from a December 8, 1948 broadcast he seems to have forgotten on which side his bread is buttered:

BERLE: Our questions tonight are on radio, and here’s our first contestant—are you ready, sir?
ALBERTSON: Yes, sir!
BERLE: All right…now, for ten dollars…who is the star of the Texaco Star Theater?
ALBERTSON: Milton Berle!
BERLE: Correct!  For twenty dollars, who is the star of the Texaco television show?
ALBERTSON: Milton Berle!
BERLE: Right!  Now you’re up to forty dollars…what comedian is known for his mother laughing at him?
ALBERTSON: Milton Berle!
BERLE: That’s right again…now, for eighty dollars…who do you think is the funniest comedian on the air?  (Long pause, accompanied by audience laughter) Come on—it’s for eighty dollars…
ALBERTSON: You keep the money…I’ll keep my self-respect!
BERLE (after the audience response dies down): Thank you, Henny Youngman