”Hi, girls and boys! Here we go again—‘cause there’s NO SCHOOL TODAY!!!”

If you go down in the woods today you’re sure of a big surprise/ If you go down in the woods today you’d better go in disguise/ For every bear that ever there was/ Will gather there for certain because/ Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic

The children’s classic “Teddy Bears Picnic” provided the memorable opening theme of No School Today, a Saturday morning favorite broadcast “for the younger generation and the young at heart” during the Golden Age of Radio. It premiered over ABC on February 18, 1950, although it had been heard much earlier on a local Cincinnati station around 1947.

The host of the ninety-minute program was a young man named Jon Arthur—known as “Big Jon” to the listening audience. Arthur, a Pennsylvania native, had begun his radio career in West Virginia in 1939. He created the program’s star, a sprite named Sparkie—“the little elf from the land of make believe who wants more than anything else in the world to be a real boy.” Arthur provided the voice of the little elf through the radio magic of speeded-up recording, similar to what David Seville later did with his 1958 No. 1 hit—starring Alvin, Simon and Theodore—“The Chipmunk Song.” The format of No School Today consisted of stories, riddles, and songs geared toward the younger crowd, and this Christmas broadcast that I sampled last night is pretty much in this vein. (I don’t have a date for this show, by the way—but it would appear that it was broadcast over AFRS on a Christmas Eve in the 1950s.) To kick off the program, Mayor Plumpfront and Ukey Betcha, the cab driver, get into an argument over which one of them will decorate the Christmas tree for the No School Today party. Arthur also provided the voices for these characters, and although I can’t be sure if Clarence Hartzell—Uncle Fletcher of Vic and Sade and Ben Withers on Lum and Abner—ever listened to the program I think he could have sued the Ukey Betcha character for vocal plagiarism.

Arthur entertains the listeners from some Christmas record selections, one of which is a particular favorite of mine entitled “The Boy Who Sang For a King,” told in story and song by The Jack Benny Program’s Dennis Day. (Day performed this tale on his spin-off series, A Day in the Life of Dennis Day, on the December 25, 1946 broadcast.) We also get to hear a recorded version of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, which is pretty standard save for some great narration by the one-and-only Charles Laughton. Arthur introduces a group called “Gilhooly Mahoney and His Internationally Famous Invisible Leprechaun Marching Band” who “perform” the Nutcracker Suite by Tchaikovsky—this one made me a smile a bit because the recording starts out at the wrong speed, necessitating it to be “potted” down and corrected.

Little Sparkie—the Frank Sinatra of the elven world—belts out a couple of tunes: “Christine the Christmas Tree” and a version of Clement C. Moore’s famed holiday poem “The Night Before Christmas.” Big Jon also takes time to advise the children in the listening audience to mind their mothers and get ready for bed when she tells them because “Santa’s very busy, and you’ll just get in the way.” He also decides not to use his “magic spyglasses”—an apparatus he would employ to look into listeners’ home to report on misbehaving kids—because he rationalizes that the tiny tots have best on their best behavior so as not to disappoint Santa. (I find this John Ashcroft-like device mildly disturbing.)

No School Today was also broadcast as a weekday feature (this version was known as Big Jon and Sparkie) beginning in 1950; first as a half-hour, then scaled back to a quarter hour in 1951 before closing up shop in 1954. The Saturday show lasted quite a while longer; although it left ABC in 1958 it continued—according to John Dunning—on shortwave years after its network cancellation. There is a great nostalgic, misty-eyed fondness for this program among OTR collectors, by the way: Fred Berney of Satellite Media Productions even devotes some of his website to the show. While I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t knock anyone down to collect any more of the shows, I was entertained by the Christmas broadcast—it is, at best, an interesting curio from Radio’s Golden Age.

“Go to sleep-y, little ba-by…”

Singer-comedienne Judy Canova harbored lofty aspirations of a serious musical career, and in my opinion, she certainly had the pipes to pull it off. Unfortunately, she became typecast during the early part of her career as a “hillbilly”—due in large part to the comedy-music act that she had formed with her sister Annie and brother Zeke. “The Three Canovas” were regulars on Paul Whiteman’s Musical Varieties from 1936-37 and The Chase and Sanborn Hour with Edgar Bergen and Company in the fall of 1938.

Canova eventually landed her own starring program over CBS Radio debuting July 6, 1943 (originally titled Rancho Canova); her character—a small town bumpkin who hailed from the mythical hamlet of “Cactus Junction”—had relocated to Hollywood, living with her Aunt Aggie (played by Verna Felton and Ruth Perrott) and maid Geranium (Ruby Dandridge). The Judy Canova Show may not have been the most sophisticated comedy to ever grace the airwaves, but it boasted an impressive roster of radio pros in its supporting cast: Hans Conried (as complaining boarder Mr. Hemingway); Sheldon Leonard (Joe Crunchmiller, Judy’s cabbie boyfriend); and Joseph Kearns (Benchley Botsford), among many, many others.

All-around vocal utility actor Mel Blanc was also a Canova regular; his characters included obnoxious salesman Roscoe Wortle and Sylvester, whose name and voice were identical to the cartoon cat of Warner Brothers fame. But he’s best remembered for Pedro, Judy’s Mexican handyman/gardener/chauffeur, etc. whose “Pardon me for talking in your face, Senorita” became a popular catchphrase. Pedro was not a character that would endear himself to Latino audiences today, by the way—in fact, when Blanc resurrected the characterization as the voice of Frito-Lay’s Frito Bandito in 1970s commercials the ads were quickly pulled due to protests about the stereotyping.

In this Christmas-themed broadcast from December 22, 1945, Judy and Aunt Aggie are throwing an old-fashioned Christmas party for some of their exclusive Brentwood Society friends:

AGGIE: Judy, dear…I’m concerned…it’s getting late and not one of our guests has arrived…

JUDY: Well, maybe they thought we wasn’t swell enough for ‘em, Aunt Aggie…do you s’pose my bad etti-cutie scared them folks away?

AGGIE: It’s possible, Judy…after all, at the DuBrock’s party you did eat your clam chowder through a veil…

JUDY: Can I help it? I like the soup part, but I wanted to strain out the clams…I gotta get me a finer veil, three of the little ones slipped through the dragnet…

AGGIE: Yes, and at Mrs. Del Ridge’s Chinese dinner you made an awful spectacle of yourself using those chopsticks…

JUDY: Well, I tell ya…I didn’t know what them chopsticks was for, and when the spaghetti came along I knitted myself three pairs of socks…

Don’t bother sending cracker jack, ma—we’re getting’ corn by the bushel! The corn harvest continues with the arrival of Roscoe Wortle:

JUDY: Howdy, mister…

ROSCOE: Hello there, girlie…remember me?

JUDY: Why, sure…you’re that travelin’ salesman feller I met in New York…

ROSCOE: That’s right, sister…Roscoe O. Wortle’s the name…

JUDY: What’s the “O” for?

ROSCOE: O.P.A…

JUDY: O.P.A?

ROSCOE: Yeah…when I was born, my father took one look at me and hit the ceiling (laughs hysterically) Ain’t that a lollapalooza? You tell ‘em, postage stamp—I’m licked! Yahoo!

JUDY: Say…

ROSCOE: Yeah?

JUDY: What are you sellin’ this time?

ROSCOE: Well, I’m still sellin’ Christmas cards—five and ten cents a card…

JUDY: What’s the difference?

ROSCOE: The ten-cent ones fit the envelope (continues laughing) You tell ‘em, Wells Fargo—I can’t express myself!

Okay, so The Judy Canova Show isn’t Noel Coward—but as Abbott & Costello often demonstrated, sometimes the jokes with the longest whiskers get the biggest laughs.

Judy Canova’s debut on radio proved so popular that she started a pigtails-and-calico fad on college campuses that same year. She was also successful at the box-office, becoming Republic Studios’ bread-and-butter in films like Joan of Ozark (1942), Sleepy Lagoon (1943) and Oklahoma Annie (1952). Canova later moved her radio program to NBC in January 1945, and was an eight-year-old fixture on the network until May 28, 1953. I’ve noticed that broadcasts of the show are kind of scarce, however (perhaps OTR dealers are a little more discriminating in their tastes than I had previously thought); but I’m hoping that situation will be rectified soon as I’m expecting a shipment of Canova broadcasts from dealer Ed Carr. Who knows? One of these days, I just might manage to finish my thesis—“Mulching the Maze to Monumental Heights: The Bucolic Comedy of Judy Canova.”

“Happy holidays…happy holidays…while the merry bells keep ringing…may your every wish come true…”

Last evening, I sampled a pair of old-time radio Christmas programs that made for enjoyable holiday listening—the first of which starring a man whose rendition of the Irving Berlin chestnut (roasting on an open fire?) “White Christmas” has become virtually synonymous with the spirit of the season. Yes, it’s Bing Crosby and Christmas Sing With Bing, originally broadcast over CBS Radio December 24, 1958.

The Old Groaner (backed by the Paul Weston Orchestra and the Norman Luboff Choir) tosses off some great Christmas carol classics (“The First Noel,” “Adeste Fideles”) while taking a globetrotting tour around the world and sampling selections from other choirs in places like Australia, Italy, France, and Canada—as well as U.S. cities like Salt Lake City and Philadelphia. Longtime Crosby announcer Ken Carpenter makes certain that the show’s tab is taken care of by singing the praises of the Insurance Company of North America. (“Does your insurance taste different lately?”)

Highlights include a visit with Governor William A. Egan—the first governor of the newly-admitted state of Alaska (49th!)—and a chat with Cmdr. William R. Anderson, skipper of the atomic submarine Nautilus; which made headlines in August by cruising under the polar ice pack—1800 miles from the Pacific to the Atlantic, a total of 96 hours under ice. Several of the crew members are game enough to launch into a pre-karaoke rendition of “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” but it sounds to me like a few of them have been making a little too merry, if you get my drift.

Der Bingle is also joined by Mrs. Bingle—Kathryn (Grant) Crosby—and the two Bingles sing a pretty duet of “Away in the Manger” for their four-month-old son. Add an equally pleasant rendition of “White Christmas” to this entire party mix and the result? An hour of great Christmas tunes, the equivalent of listening to a Crosby Christmas album (the Decca people, in fact, did release an LP with the title Christmas Sing With Bing).

Next up—an entertaining Christmas edition of The Jack Benny Program, unusual in that it was originally broadcast in December of 1956, long after Benny called it quits on May 22, 1955. The program, however, continued in reruns (as The Best of Benny) over CBS until 1958, sponsored by the Home Insurance Company (apparently Crosby’s not the only one in the insurance biz). This special (which, by the way, is the AFRTS version from December 1957 since it is sans the original 3M commercials) features the familiar Jack Benny regulars: Eddie “Rochester” Anderson, Mary Livingstone, Dennis Day, Don Wilson and Bob Crosby (Bing’s brother, who took over the bandleading chores from Phil Harris in 1952):

DON: And now, ladies and gentlemen…it is with great pleasure and deepest respect that I present the star of our show…a man who’s not only the dean of American comedy, but who like the tide, keeps rolling along month after month, year in and year out…who, despite the wearing of the elements and the ravages of time, only gains in quality…and who, although failing in memory, has managed to grope his way to the microphone and here he is…Jack Benny!

JACK: Thank you…thank you…thank you, ladies and gentlemen…welcome to ’Life with Methuselah…”

The program starts out as a conventional Benny broadcast, but soon shifts gears to let Jack and Mary do the show’s traditional Christmas-shopping-in-the-department-store shtick. Jack is trying to locate a suitable gift for his sister, Florence:

JACK: It ought to be something nice…you know, Mary, I have no brothers and no other sister…Florence is my only close relative…I ought to get her something nice…

MARY: What did you get her last year?

JACK: A pencil sharpener…

MARY: Oh…how sweet, Jack…but then, she is your only sister...

JACK: We’ve always been very close…she writes to me all the time, you know…

MARY: When you have a house full of sharp pencils, you gotta do something…

The pencil sharpener soon takes center stage as the show’s “boomerang” gag, as Mary tries to decide on a gift for Jack:

CLERK: May I wait on you, miss?

MARY: Yes, I’d like to get something for a gentleman…

CLERK: A gentleman? Your husband?

MARY: No, my boss…I’ve worked with him for an awfully long time and I’d like to show my appreciation…

CLERK: Well, here’s something nice…a gold tie clasp…

MARY: A gold tie clasp? No.

CLERK: How about a gold key chain?

MARY: No.

CLERK: Well, how about gold cufflinks?

MARY: Look, mister…I don’t want to get him anything he can melt down…

(snip)

CLERK: Well, well…he is quite a problem…well, perhaps I could help you better if you told me how closely you two are associated…are you engaged?

MARY: No, we’re not…

CLERK: Well…heh…is he your boyfriend?

MARY: No, as a matter of fact, he treats me more like a sister…

CLERK: How about a pencil sharpener?

Not to be left out, Rochester is doing some last minute shopping for Jack as well:

CLERK: May I wait on you?

ROCHESTER: Yeah, I’m looking for a Christmas present for my boss…

CLERK: For your boss, huh…well, how about a tie?

ROCHESTER: Naw…he’s got lots of those…

CLERK: Well, how about a wallet or a money clip?

ROCHESTER: Money clip? What’s a money clip?

CLERK: You know, it’s a thing to hold your folding money…

ROCHESTER: I’ve never had any that folds…how’s it work?

CLERK: Well, it’s a spring-like metal clip that holds the money tight…

ROCHESTER: He’s got a fist that does that…

The Christmas special also features guest appearances from Frances Bergen (wife of Edgar, she sings “The Very Thought of You”) and June Allyson. The Bergen spot is a bit ho-hum, but the scenes with Junie are a laugh riot:

JUNE: …and Jack, I’m so glad I ran into you today…I want to thank you very much for remembering me…

JACK: Oh, did you get my present already?

JUNE: Oh no…just the card telling me that you’re going to send me one…

MARY: Jack sent you a card?

JUNE: Uh-huh…I think I’ve got it here…oh yes, here it is…”I’m sending you a present…the twenty-fifth is the date…so you’ll have plenty of time…to reciprocate…”

JACK: Isn’t that a nice poem?

MARY: Sounds more like a ransom note…

JACK: It does not…

JUNE: Then why did you throw it through my window tied to a rock?

June also gets in a plug for her latest film, 1956’s You Can’t Run Away From It (a musical remake of It Happened One Night), directed by her husband, Dick Powell:

JACK: Well, frankly, June…I’m very disappointed in Dick and I wish you’d tell him when you get home…you see, he led me to believe that I would have the leading role in that picture…

JUNE: Well, he was going to use you, Jack…but then at the last minute, he changed his mind…

JACK: Why?

JUNE: Well, he figured that if on the marquee it said “Jack Benny: You Can’t Run Away From It” people wouldn’t know if it was a title or a warning…

Of course, Jack also encounters many of the dues-paying members of the Benny Show repertory company: Artie Auerbach (Mr. Kitzel), Mel Blanc, Benny Rubin, Sam Hearn, Joseph Kearns, Herb Vigran and Elliott Lewis as the perfume counter “mooley” (“Don’t take my word for it—smell me!”) All in all, a fun program, a truly enjoyable holiday romp.

"Presented each week and every week...'til it's over Over There!"

It would appear that I was perhaps a bit too hasty in posting that yesterday's Elgin Christmas Party broadcast of December 25, 1944 was the best Christmas program I’ve listened to so far this month. Now I have to ransack my vocabulary for superlatives to describe the December 25, 1945 Command Performance show I treated myself to earlier this evening.

Command Performance was once lauded as “the best wartime program in America” by Time magazine, but I think I would eliminate the “wartime” part; it is one of the best programs, period. Not too shabby for a show that many Americans weren't able to hear its first-time around—the reason being that the show was produced exclusively for “the men and women of the United States Armed Forces around the world” and broadcast over the Armed Forces Radio Service (AFRS). This star-studded variety program, featuring a glittering roster of top-name performers, debuted over AFRS on March 1, 1942, with a lineup that included Eddie Cantor, Bea Wain, Merle Oberon, and Joe Louis. The show was created by Louis G. Cowan (creator of such radio quiz show hits as The Quiz Kids and Stop the Music) at the behest of the War Department, who wanted to find a suitable format to present "American radio" to the troops overseas. Cowan decided to let the G.I. audience “choose” their own entertainment, in the form of requests—examples include a song by Frank Sinatra, a “fiddle duel” between Jack Benny and Jascha Heifetz, or even a long, lingering sigh from actress Carole Landis. Celebrities donated their time, gratis, to support the war effort and the program—and it was once estimated that the talent budget for a comparable civilian effort of Command Performance would cost $75,000 weekly.

Perhaps Command Performance’s best-known broadcast is a show that originally aired February 5, 1945; a “comic-strip operetta” entitled “Dick Tracy in B-Flat; or For Goodness Sake, Isn’t He Ever Going to Marry Tess Trueheart?” with Bing Crosby (as Dick Tracy), Dinah Shore (Tess Trueheart), Harry Von Zell (Old Judge Hooper), Jerry Colonna (Chief of Police), Bob Hope (Flat Top), Frank Morgan (Vitamin Flintheart), Jimmy Durante (Mole), Judy Garland (Snowflake), the Andrews Sisters (the Summer Sisters), Frank Sinatra (Shaky), and Cass Daley (Gravel Gertie). The show is every bit as impressive as its cast, with some first-rate parodies of then-popular songs and hilarious fluffs and ad-libs thrown in to boot.

The Christmas broadcast of December 25, 1945 is equally top-notch; in addition to appearances from Crosby, Shore, Colonna, Hope, Durante, Garland, Sinatra, and Daley the show features Mel Blanc (as Private Sad Sack), Ed Gardner (Archie from Duffy’s Tavern), Harry James, Kay Kyser, Francis Langford, Herbert Marshall, Johnny Mercer, the Pied Pipers, and Ginny Simms. (Something tells me that that $75,000, even adjusted for inflation, couldn’t even begin to put together an equally star-studded extravaganza today.) Among the highlights of this program are an insult contest between Bing and Frank (the two crooners had a mock “rivalry” at that particular point in time); a hillbilly skit set in Kansas with Hope, Crosby, Mercer, and Garland (when Judy points out to Johnny that there are no hills in Kansas he changes it to a “flatbilly” skit); and some wonderful old tunes, particularly Bing’s “On the Atcheson, Topeka and the Santa Fe” (written by Mercer) and a great “Two O’Clock Jump” by Harry James and his orchestra.

Some of my favorite bits:

BING CROSBY: But you say this is going to be a masquerade party, huh? What are you coming as, really?

BOB: I’m coming as The Thin Man…

BING: The Thin Man? Everybody’ll think you’ve got Asta under your vest-a…but still, I’m just in a dither…I don’t know how I should appear…

BOB: Well, why don’t you make up as one of your own horses…then you wouldn’t even have to show…

(snip)

BING: Are you going to Bob’s party?

DINAH SHORE: Yes, Bing, I am…as a matter of fact, Bob suggested we have a progressive party—you know, at my house we have the hors d’oeurves, turkey, cranberry sauce, dressing, vegetables, dessert, coffee, and brandy…and then we all go over to Bob’s house…

BING: What for…to burp?

(snip)

BOB: Harry, I suppose you’ll be at my party tonight…

HARRY JAMES: Well, Bob, I don’t know if I can make it…

BOB: Oh, Harry, you gotta be there…

HARRY: I don’t know…I’m awfully busy…

BOB: Harry, the party just can’t go on if you’re not there…

HARRY: Well, gee, Bob…I’d like to come…

BOB: But you must, Harry, you must…you’re my best friend, my closest companion…there’s no one I like better…please come…

HARRY: Well, I don’t know if I can…

BOB: Well, okay, if you can’t make it…send your wife…

For the Hollywood gossip-impaired, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that at the time, Mrs. Harry James also went by the name of Betty Grable.

JIMMY DURANTE: It was lucky I met you tonight, Herbert…you don’t mind if I call you by your maiden name…?

HERBERT MARSHALL: No…no, please do…

JIMMY: You know, Bob Hope is going to give a big party tonight…

HERBERT: Yes…I understand it’s going to be quite a soiree…

JIMMY: That’s all right…I’ll leave before the cops come…by the way, Mr. Marshall…you being British, and coming from a long line of Brits…makes you just the man I’m looking for…I may have a job for you…

HERBERT: A job?

JIMMY: Yes…I need a valet…

HERBERT: You mean a…?

JIMMY: Yes…I want you to be my gentlemen’s gentleman…

HERBERT: No, it won’t work…we’re short one gentleman…

(snip)

ARCHIE (Ed Gardner): Uh, Mr. Hope, I heard you’re throwin’ a Christmas party so I says to meself, I says “Archie, why don’t you help Hope out and get him some talent?” And not just plain first-rate talent, you know…

BOB HOPE: Better than that?

ARCHIE: Second-rate…

BOB: So you want to get me some entertainment for my party, eh, Archie?

ARCHIE: Yeah, for an allotment, of course…you know, you ain’t talkin’ to no bum…

BOB: We live and learn…

ARCHIE: Yeah…now, I could get you a certain person who’s in great demand at parties…

BOB: Oh, you can…well, who is he?

ARCHIE: I can get you Bing Crosby…

BOB: You mean my straight man in the movies?

ARCHIE: Yeah…the fella they all laugh at…the guy’s a very good singer, you know…quite a career this Crosby’s had…he studied for eight years before he found out he couldn’t sing and…by that time, he was too famous to quit…

(snip)

KAY KYSER: I don’t know how I’m gonna come to your party, Bob, if I can’t find a girl…

BOB: Oh, Kay, don’t worry, there’s a girl waiting for you in some nook or cranny…

CASS DALEY: Well, whaddya know? Men!!! Wahoo!!!

BOB: It’s Cass Daley!

CASS: Loooove men…!!!

KAY: Well, there’s one from the cranny…

BOB: Here’s where I kill two birds with one stone…say, Kay, you want a nice, pure girl, don’t you?

KAY: I sure do…

BOB: And Cass, you want a nice, simple fella, don’t you?

CASS: I do…

BOB: I now pronounce you pure and simple…

KAY: Oh, well…maybe we can still have fun…after all, beauty is only skin deep…

CASS: Yeah…who peeled you?

(snip)

FRANK SINATRA: So only thirteen-year-old girls like me, huh?

BOB: That’s what I hear…

FRANK: All this stuff about thirteen-year-olds and me is just plain propaganda…I know one beautiful movie star who goes for me and she isn’t thirteen, either…

BOB: Really? I didn’t know Lassie cared…

FRANK: Well, she does!

BOB: Yeah, come to think of it, Frank—why shouldn’t Lassie love you? It’s a great thrill for a dog, hearing a pile of bones sing…

FRANK (after a pause): You been talking to Crosby lately, boy?

BOB: Well, after all, Frankie—the guy works at the same studio with me, I gotta talk to him sometime…you see, he has the key to the washroom…

FRANK: I thought Crosby was behind all this…why does he insult me that way? Why, I wouldn’t hurt a fly…

BOB: Not even if you sat on one…

FRANK: Honest, Bob…I don’t know why Bing should treat me like this…why, I’ve never said anything but the nicest things about that…fat, old gentleman…

BOB: Frankie, look, this is Christmas…the time for goodwill and brotherly love…you shouldn’t call Bing a fat, old gentleman…

FRANK: Well…he’s fat, isn’t he?

BOB: Um…yes…

FRANK: He’s old, isn’t he?

BOB: Um…yes…

FRANK: He’s a gent…

BOB (cutting him off) See how wrong you are?

This is really a first-rate production, with outstanding music and some hilarious comedy (including much of the ad-libbing that was prevalent on the previous Elgin show), and concludes with some good old-fashioned Christmas caroling, courtesy of Judy Garland, Dinah Shore, Francis Langford, Ginny Simms and Der Bingle. Ken Carpenter is the announcer for the holiday proceedings. (Talk about a busy guy!)

Although the peak of Command Performance’s popularity was during wartime, the program continued on AFRS until March 14, 1950; it is estimated that there nearly a total of 400 shows and specials were produced. An attempt was made to make lightning strike twice with a civilian version of the program called Request Performance, which began over CBS Radio Sunday nights on October 7, 1945. Again, the format was similar—audiences would request personalities such as horror film star Boris Karloff performing in a comedy sketch; one request had Phil Harris and wife Alice Faye appearing together for the first time on radio, which may very well have laid the groundwork for their popular radio sitcom that began in the fall of 1946. But with only $15,000 budgeted for talent every week, the program fell short of matching the star wattage of its AFRS sister and it closed its doors April 21, 1946.

The most frequent guest star of Command Performance was Bing Crosby, who appeared on the program a total of 29 times (Bob Hope was second with 26). It’s only fitting, I guess, that Crosby also benefited in one small way from the popular program. Many of the most popular shows on the American airwaves were shipped over to AFRS during the war so that they could be heard by the troops, and sophisticated editing techniques were used to eliminate the commercials and other unnecessary references for the G.I. crowd. These early editing efforts no doubt encouraged Crosby to jump ship from NBC to ABC, where he started his own prerecorded series, Philco Radio Time.

"Well, did you evah...what a swell party this is..."

Last night at work, I listened to what I am convinced is one of the finest Christmas holiday shows I’ve experienced since I began this project at the beginning of the month. Originally broadcast over CBS Radio December 25, 1944, it was a two-hour “Christmas party,” an all-star extravaganza—sponsored by the Elgin Watch Company—featuring Barbara Jo Allen (as Vera Vague), Eddie “Rochester” Anderson, Jack Benny, George Burns & Gracie Allen, the Charioteers, Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, the Les Paul Trio, the Louis Silvers Orchestra & Chorus, Carmen Miranda, Ginny Simms, the Army-Air Force’s “Swing Wing,” and Joseph Szigeti. The always affable Don Ameche was master of ceremonies, and Ken Carpenter the commercial announcer.

Ginny Simms kicks off the festivities with a rendition of “Hallelujah,” and then tells m.c. Ameche that she was originally supposed to do the song “You’ll Never Know” with Jack Benny accompanying her on the violin but things went slightly awry. There is a flashback to a few hours earlier, with Rochester answering the phone with “Mr. Benny’s residence…star of stage, screen, radio and delivers The Examiner to the Beverly Hills area”:

JACK: Come on in the living room, I want to talk to you…

ROCHESTER: This is the living room…you just don’t recognize it…

JACK: Oh…oh…oh, yes…well, what do you know, we’ve got a rug in here…say, Rochester…were there any calls for me?

ROCHESTER: Just one…Miss Ginny Simms…

JACK: Miss Simms?

ROCHESTER: Uh, yeah…she said she’s coming over here to rehearse that number you’re supposed to do on the Elgin show…

JACK: Oh, well, why didn’t you tell me? I’d better get my violin and limber up…now, Rochester, you finish straightening up the house and get the rest of these things out of the living room…my shirt, my shoes, my socks, my garter belt…I mean, my garter and my belt…and my bathrobe…pick ‘em up and get ‘em out of this room…

ROCHESTER: Don’t you want me to get your violin?

JACK: Yes, but I want you to get all my things out of this room…

ROCHESTER: I won’t have to…you start playing, and they’ll be glad to leave by themselves…

JACK: Oh, stop exaggerating…

ROCHESTER: Exaggerating? Boss, the last time you played your violin your tuxedo came out of the closet, tiptoed down the hall, went out the front door and we haven’t seen it since…

JACK: Rochester, will you stop being ridiculous…how could my tuxedo tiptoe down the hall and go out the front door?

ROCHESTER: That ain’t the mystery…the thing that bothers me is—how did it leave that note on the hanger?

JACK: What note?

ROCHESTER: The one that said “I can go if I want to, I ain’t paid for…”

Next on the program, Don Ameche introduces the “Swing Wing,” a congregation of former big band musicians “caught in the draft”, so to speak. The group play two numbers, “Bugle Call Rag” and some selections from the opera Carmen, and Technical Sergeant Manny Klein is their spokesman:

DON: Now, before you boys wrap up another number…could you tell us where the men in the group come from?

KLEIN: Well, we took one from Harry James…one from Benny Goodman…and one from Jimmy Dorsey…

DON: I heard you also took one from Spike Jones…

KLEIN: Ah, we didn’t have to take him…he was glad to escape…

A song selection from the Charioteers (who were the resident choral group of Bing Crosby’s Kraft Music Hall) follows (“Poor Little Jesus Boy”), and then we pay a visit to the “people who live in the Burns house, George and Gracie”:

GEORGE: Hurry, Gracie…we have to leave for the Elgin broadcast pretty soon…

GRACIE: George…um…before we go…promise me something?

GEORGE: What?

GRACIE: Well…uh…you’re terribly talented, you know…

GEORGE: Yeah…?

GRACIE: …and this is Christmas…

GEORGE: Yeah…?

GRACIE: So…promise me you won’t do your best today…

GEORGE: Won’t do my best…? With Bob Hope, Don Ameche, Bing Crosby and Jack Benny there?

GRACIE: Well, that’s why, dear…I wouldn’t want you to make them look bad today…

GEORGE: Oh, Gracie…

GRACIE: Well, this is Christmas…you know, goodwill to men…and practically all four of those fellows are men…

GEORGE: But, Honey…be sensible…if I had more talent than Hope, Ameche, Crosby and Benny…I’d be the biggest star in the world…

GRACIE: …and you will be someday…in fact, people can’t understand why you aren’t right now…

GEORGE: Really?

GRACIE: Sure! Why, every time we walk down the street together I hear someone say “I wonder what’s holding him up?”

GEORGE: I see…

GRACIE: Oh, you’re loaded with talent, George…I’m just afraid you’ll go down there today and embarrass those poor men…

GEORGE: Oh, honey…you just say that because you’re my wife…what if you were married to Bob Hope? What if you were married to Don Ameche? What if you were married to…

GRACIE: Wait a minute…I’d like to stay married to Don Ameche a little longer…

Ginny Simms does another number, her hit tune “Wish You Were Waiting For Me,” and then a dramatic sketch featuring Ameche, Joel Davis, Ann Stone and Tyler McVey is presented; a touching Christmas-themed story about a pilot on a dangerous flying mission whose thoughts drift back to last Christmas and his telling his son the story of the Star of Bethlehem. The sketch was included to promote a series called Keep Up With the World—what was apparently a dramatic anthology based on stories in a Collier’s column by Freling Foster (there wasn’t any information on this program in the Dunning book, and Jay Hickerson lists it as Keeping Up With the World).

The nice thing about this Christmas presentation is the wide range of musical talent; there’s something for every taste present, from Carmen Miranda (who does “Tico Tico” and a zippy, South-of-the-Border rendition of “Chattanooga Choo-Choo”) to the Les Paul Trio (“Danger, Men at Work”). There’s also music for the highbrow crowd, as concert violinist Joseph Szigeti performs a few classical pieces. Szigeti had recently appeared alongside Jack Benny in the 1944 feature film Hollywood Canteen:

DON: I hope I’m not being forward when I ask if it’s true that most concert stars have some protégé…

SZIGETI: Yes, that’s true…

DON: …and you…do you know of some undiscovered, potential genius of the violin?

SZIGETI: I do…

DON: Oh…and is he talented?

SZIGETI: Amazing technique…

DON: Ah…and young?

SZIGETI: Very young…

DON: And what’s his name?

SZIGETI: Jack Benny…

DON: Ah, of course…you made your movie debut recently with Jack…that must have been fun, huh?

SZIGETI: Lots of laughs…

DON: At his jokes?

SZIGETI: At his fiddle playing…

Barbara Jo Allen, an actress-comedienne who portrayed the memorable man-chasing Vera Vague on The Bob Hope Show, also has some amusing moments with straight-man Don Ameche:

VERA: Thank you, thank you…and Merry Christmas. Mr. Ameche (giddily) oooh, Noel, Noel…oh, Christmas time, I don’t know…I’m so happy, I just love everybody…anyway, half of everybody…the male half…

DON: I suspected, Miss Vague, it was something more romantic than just the Christmas holiday that brought that sparkle to your eyes…

VERA: Oh, you’re so right, Mr. Ameche…only this morning my boyfriend Waldo told me that I’ll be the next cover girl of the country…

DON: Oh…really?

VERA: Yes…I suppose you’ve heard of Chili Williams?

DON: Oh, yes…of course…

VERA: Meet “Beans” Vague…

DON: Uh…Miss Vague…how did you meet your boyfriend Waldo?

VERA: Uh, Waldo? I didn’t exactly meet him…I overtook him…but he’s such a sweet boy, really…this morning, there he was waiting for me by the mantle when I came down…he says, “Look, Vera—your Christmas stockings are all filled with walnuts.” Made me so mad…

DON: But why…?

VERA: Oh, I was wearing them at the time…

The highlight of The Elgin Christmas Party are the appearances of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby—Hope warms up the proceedings with his I-don’t-leave-home-without-it monologue:

BOB: But everything in Hollywood is done in the spirit of Christmas…if you get hit by a car while crossing the street they send you home wrapped as a gift…I just mailed some Christmas packages back East…everybody else had to mail theirs December the 10th but I sent mine yesterday and they got there in plenty of time…thanks, Eleanor…and don’t think the manpower shortage didn’t hit the Santa Claus situation this year…I saw one Santa Claus at a department store hitting a little boy and I said, “That’s no way for Santa Claus to act.” And Santa said, “I can do anything I want…I’m this boy’s mother…”

Hope then introduces his friend Bing (“All you can hear on the radio this weekend is Bing singing ‘White Christmas’…he’s the only man who can entertain and give frost warnings at the same time.”), who warbles his big hit, “Don’t Fence Me In.” Then, the fun begins as the two of them engage in a fast-and-furious insult and ad-lib war (Bob: “We’re gonna look at the paper once in a while, aren’t we?”):

BOB: That was wonderful…maybe I’m just full of the ol’ holiday spirit, but you know…that didn’t sound bad at all…

BING: Thank you…

BOB: …for a man your age…

BING: You still considered yourself a boy when you were my age…

BOB: At least I never played “Ring-a-Round-the-Rosie” with Cleopatra…

BING: This is hardly the place…hardly the time or place to discuss what you played with Cleopatra…well, look…

BOB (ad-libs): He’s got Broadway Rose writing for him now…

(snip)

BING: You know, I’m doing a double act with Sinatra next year…

BOB: You are, really?

BING: Yes…we’re going out to play some of the camps…sing some songs, sing some duets…fine double act…

BOB: Well, I think it’s nice to have a fella from each generation…what are you, uh (interrupted by audience laughter) you’re going to do a double act with ol’ No Blood, huh? Well, tell me…what are you going (more laughter) it’ll be a nice act, No Blood and No Hair…

(snip)

BING: Say, Blub…no kidding…let’s be nice…Christmas only comes once a year…

BOB: I don’t think you should knock Sinatra…because I wanna tell ya, singers like Sinatra come once in a lifetime…

BING: That’s right…why did he have to come in my lifetime?

To close the program—well, what Christmas special wouldn’t be complete without Bing singing the classic “White Christmas”?

The Elgin Christmas Party is part of a ten-CD package entitled Christmas—On the Air! Volume 2 which is available from First Generation Radio Archives. To call this fine program a “special” is really damning it with faint praise—it just wouldn’t be possible to do this kind of program today without having to take out a second and third mortgage to put a down payment on the participants’ salaries. Of course, back then—every performer appeared on the show gratis, as the broadcast was prepared for broadcast over AFRS and shortwave for the benefit of those individuals then fighting overseas. Even some fifty years later, it continues to entertain and delight through the magic of old-time radio.

”The family that prays together stays together.”

Family Theater, an anthology drama created by Father Patrick Peyton of the Holy Cross Fathers as an effort to promote family prayer, made its debut over Mutual Radio (“the world’s largest network”) on February 13, 1947 and left the airwaves after an eight-year-run on July 4, 1956. Family Theater, despite its religious affiliation (strictly non-denominational, of course), was virtually indistinguishable from many of the other dramatic anthologies prevalent on radio at that time.

The program attracted much of Hollywood's big-name talent—Gary Cooper, Gregory Peck, Jack Benny, and Shirley Temple, to name a few—all freely donating their time, thus eliminating the need for hefty star salaries. It would have been difficult to pay all those performers, anyway—the show featured no commercials, only a weekly appeal touting the power of prayer. (“Family Theater…brought to you by PrayerCo…”)

The show frequently began with a famous quote by Alfred Lloyd Tennyson: “More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of.” Other taglines associated with the program include “A world at prayer is a world at peace” and “The family that prays together, stays together.” Both of these slogans were created by a man named Al Scalpone.

Loretta Young is probably the most well-known Hollywood performer associated with Family Theater, appearing on not only the show’s debut broadcast but making twenty-nine additional appearances as well (easily the program’s record). I tuned in to one of those performances last night, as Loretta was the narrator of “The Littlest Angel,” a pleasant semi-dramatization of the Charles Taswell story about a misfit cherub whose simple birthday gift to the Christ Child is more valuable than any of the other gifts offered by his angelic brethren and sistern. The program was originally broadcast December 21, 1949, and includes some gorgeous-to-hear choral numbers (“Carol of the Bells,” “What Child is This?”) orchestrated by Harry Zimmerman.

I enjoyed “Angel” so much that I listened to a second Family Theater afterward, a December 15, 1948 broadcast entitled “A Daddy For Christmas.” Hosted by Shirley Temple, it tells a sweetly simple story of a boy (Bobby Driscoll) who desperately wants a father as a Christmas gift. The story kicks off as he and his mother (Linda Johnson) are at a department store—the young boy sees Santa Claus and remembers there’s something important he needs to ask him:

STEVIE: Santa Claus?

SANTA: Well, well, well, well…what a nice little boy…come here and tell Santa what you want for Christmas…

STEVIE: You know…

SANTA: Huh?

STEVIE: I’m Steven Hunt…you know what I want…

MARY: Uh, Santa…you took his list when you were across the street in Wilson’s department store…

SANTA: Oh! Oh yes, that’s right…I remember now…I was getting you all mixed up with another nice little boy I know…

STEVIE; Mommy calls me a little scamp…

SANTA: Oh ho ho…but you’re a nice little scamp…I’ll tell you what, son…I left my notebook across the street…so, uh…how about you giving me that list of all the things all over again…first, what’s your address…?

STEVIE: Steven Hunt…2228 Elm Street…

SANTA: All right, Steven…now, what do you want for Christmas?

STEVIE: Well, I want the sled…

SANTA: Mm-hmm…

STEVIE: A bicycle…

SANTA: With two wheels?

STEVIE: With three wheels…

SANTA: Oh, that’s a tricycle…

STEVIE: I don’t want a tricycle…I want a bicycle…

SANTA: With three wheels?

STEVIE: Uh-huh…

SANTA: Mmm…one bicycle with three wheels…I get it…

STEVIE: …and I want a scooter…a pony…a wagon…and I want a Daddy…

SANTA: A Daddy…?

MARY: His Daddy didn’t come back from the war…I don’t think Stevie remembers him, but…

SANTA (understanding): …but all his friends have daddies…

STEVIE: And I want a Daddy, too!

Later that Christmas Eve, Stevie waits for Santa’s arrival:

MARY: All right, Stevie…off to bed (pause) I said to bed, not to the window…

STEVIE: I’m looking for Santa Claus!

MARY: Now, get to bed…Santa will come after you’re asleep…

STEVIE: There he is now!

MARY: There who is?

STEVIE: Santa Claus! He’s coming up the drive with a great big bag!

MARY: What???

STEVIE: Here he comes, here he comes!

MARY: Stevie, what on earth…

(SFX: door knock, walking, door opens)

SANTA: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!!! (SFX: door closes)

STEVIE: Santa Claus! Santa Claus! I told Mommy it was you! Whadja bring me?

MARY: It is Santa Claus!

SANTA: Oh please, lady…don’t tell me you don’t believe in Santa Claus!

MARY: I’ll…I’ll believe anything now…

STEVE: Whadja bring me, whadja bring me?

SANTA: Well, now wait—let me put my bag down first…

MARY: Wh-What are you doing here?

SANTA: Hmm? Well, I was just flying by on my reindeer…my sleigh…when I saw what a nice Christmas tree you had and decided to drop in…well, I couldn’t find a chimney on this side of the house so I decided to use the door…

STEVIE: Where’s your reindeer?

SANTA: Hmm? Oh, my reindeer! Oh, I sent them back to the North Pole to pick up some more toys!

STEVIE: Whadja bring me?

SANTA: Well, let’s open my bag here…and see what we’ve got for Steven (SFX: bag rustling, metal sounds) Well! A bicycle with three wheels!

STEVIE: Oh, Mommy, look! Santa Claus remembered! Can I ride it? Can I? (SFX: bicycle bell) It’s got a bell! It’s got a bell! Mommy…Mommy, what’s the matter?

MARY (through tears): Nothing, honey…I’m just happy…because…because Santa Claus remembered…

The Santa turns out to be a young man named Joe Regan (played by acting vet Pat O’Brien) who bought Stevie the bike because the boy’s request for a father was stuck so firmly in his mind. Joe and Mary eventually marry later on, and while their attempts to carry out a normal family life are promising at first, things begin to hit a snag. Mary wants Joe to have a prosperous career, and talks him out of quitting his furniture factory job to take a sales position at a hardware store.

But Joe isn’t cut out to be a salesman; he loses the job and finds it difficult to locate another—especially since Mary doesn’t want him to settle for a job in which there’s no ambition involved. Mary finally ends up having to go back to work so that they can make ends meet, and Joe, devastated by this, leaves Mary and Stevie, convinced that he’s a failure.

Mary continues on in Joe’s absence, and tries to tell herself that the two of them will be better off without Joe, especially since he has no ambition. It’s only after a discussion with Stevie’s young friend Jimmy that she realizes that Joe isn’t cut out for that type of work—Jimmy extols Joe’s virtues, telling Mary that he spends quality time with the kids, showing them how to throw a baseball and how to hold a bat.

Mary now knows that Joe has been giving Stevie not material things, but the most precious thing a father can offer—attention. When Christmas Eve rolls around again, Mary begins to pray for Joe’s return:

STEVIE: Do you think Santa will come, Mom?

MARY (sobbing) I hope so, Stevie…I hope so (to herself) But if he were going to…he’d be here by now…it would be like Joe to come back tonight for Stevie…maybe if he comes back for Stevie I can get him to stay for me…oh, Joe…

STEVIE: Mommy, what’s the matter?

MARY: Nothing, honey…nothing at all…okay…it’s off to bed with you…

STEVIE: Are you crying ‘cause Santa Claus didn’t come?

MARY: Never mind…it’s time…(SFX: door knock) I’ll get it…

(SFX: walking to door, door open)

JOE (as Santa): Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

(SFX: door closes)

MARY (crying) Darling…I knew you’d come…I knew it…

STEVIE: It’s Santa Claus! Santa Claus!

JOE (in a low voice) Mary…uh oh, watch it…my beard…

STEVIE: Santa Claus’ whiskers are coming off (surprise gasp) It’s Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!

JOE: Hello, son…

STEVIE: Mommy, Daddy’s Santa Claus!

MARY (still crying) Yes, dear…Daddy’s Santa Claus…you’re back to stay, aren’t you, Joe…?

JOE: Yes, I’m back…and Mary…I’m sorry I left the way I did…I was a coward…from now on, I’ll try to be the kind of a guy you want…

MARY: No, dear…from now on just be yourself…that’s the kind of guy I want…

JOE: Oh, Mary…oh, enough of this mush stuff…I gotta go about my business…Stevie been a good boy?

MARY: Perfect…just like his daddy…

JOE: Really? That’s too bad…well, let’s see what we’ve got here (SFX: bag opening, more metal sounds)

STEVIE: Oooooh…a Racer!

MARY: With big rubber tires!

STEVIE: Thank you, Santa…Daddy! Daddy?

JOE: What is it, fella?

STEVIE: I know where you’ve been…

JOE: You do?

STEVIE: You’ve been up at the North Pole, making toys!

JOE: You know…I couldn’t have thought of a better explanation…

MARY: That’s the only one I ever want to hear…

“A Daddy For Christmas” is entertaining radio drama, albeit a little on the schmaltzy side. (Also, I'm not sure how old Stevie is supposed to be, but he comes off a bit of a brat.) Family Theater may no longer grace the airwaves but its influence can be heard on the modern day program Unshackled, an award-winning religious drama that originates from the Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago—in fact, not only is it the longest-running drama in radio history but it's still on the air as of this posting.

”And now, meet the people who live in the Burns house…George and Gracie..."

Continuing with the old-time radio sounds of Christmas, I had a two-fer last evening, starting with The George Burns & Gracie Allen Show from December 22, 1942:

This marked the first season of Burns and Allen’s new situation comedy-style format on CBS Radio—on their previous programs, the format had been an extension of their old vaudeville routines, consisting of Gracie “flirting” with the various male vocalists, bandleaders and guest stars that appeared. As this holiday-themed episode opens, George and Gracie are trimming the tree—but Gracie is concerned about the disappearance of her pet duck Herman (voiced by Clarence Nash, who also provided the famous quack of Walt Disney’s Donald Duck). She hears Herman outside, and when she lets him in, her beloved mallard is missing some of his tail feathers—which are being clutched firmly in the hand of guest star/neighbor Akim Tamiroff:

GRACIE: Well…what are you doing with Herman’s tail feathers?

TAMIROFF: Ah, it was a mistake…I was reaching for his neck…

GRACIE: That’s awful! My husband will take care of you…George, throw him out!

GEORGE (meekly) But…Gracie, it’s Christmas and…

TAMIROFF: This broken-down excuse for a man is your husband?

GRACIE: Don’t you say that! I happen to love this broken down excuse for a man!

GEORGE: Well, thanks!

TAMIROFF: Now look…I’m sneering at your husband!

GEORGE: Hey…you can’t do that…you can’t come into my house and sneer at me!

TAMIROFF (laughs) I’m in the house, no?

GEORGE: Well…yes…

TAMIROFF: And I’m sneering, no?

GEORGE: Well…yes…

TAMIROFF: And you’re going to stop me, yes?

GEORGE: Well…no…

GRACIE: Aw, that’s telling him, dear…Mr. Tamiroff, I demand to know why you were chasing Herman…

TAMIROFF: Because in my yard, I have a pond which used to be full of little goldfishes…now you have a duck which is full of little goldfishes!

Tamiroff wants Gracie to keep Herman out of his yard (“In the future, my yard is Stalingrad and that duck is Hitler.”) and to pacify her ducky pal, she tells him a story about Santa Claus. Soon, both of them doze off by the fire—which leads to a bizarre dream sequence in which Gracie and George journey to the North Pole by flying on Herman’s back.

The three of them arrive at Santa’s workshop—and jolly old St. Nicholas sounds positively morose and suicidal. (He also sounds like Elmer Fudd, which is due to the fact that he is voiced by veteran character actor Arthur Q. Bryan—whose roles on radio included barber Floyd Munson on The Great Gildersleeve and Doc Gamble on Fibber McGee & Molly.) Santa is devastated because an evil pirate—Tamiroff the Terrible—has absconded with all the toys he had planned to give the children this year. This leads into a funny singing commercial for Burns & Allen’s sponsor—Swan soap—sang by the show’s announcer, Bill Goodwin (who’s playing an elf named “Irving” Kringle), and Bryan’s Santa Claus accompanying him on boogie-woogie piano (“Why, Santa—you’ve got a cannon in your left hand…” “I’m in the gwoove tonight…ha ha ha ha ha ha…”).

Santa and the Burnses take off in his sleigh in search of the notorious pirate—but not before they are fired upon by the evil swashbuckler and brought crashing down onto his ship. Tamiroff seems to be having quite a bit of fun with his part, helping himself to a hefty slice of scenery du jour:

GEORGE: Gee…you’re…you’re mean, aren’t you?

TAMIROFF: Well, my friend…I do not like to boast…but I’m the meanest…the nastiest…the dirtiest…the most lowdown man who ever lived…

GRACIE: Aw, you’re just saying that…

TAMIROFF: No, no…it’s the truth…never—even in a DeMille picture—was there such a wicked pirate…

GRACIE: Oh, no…what about Captain Kidd?

TAMIROFF: Hah! A creampuff…

GEORGE: What about Blackbeard?

TAMIROFF: Who? Heh heh…shoe salesman! Now…do you know why I stole the toys from Santa Claus, huh? To sell them? Nah…I just took them because I’m mean…I hate people!

GEORGE: You do?

TAMIROFF: Yeah…I hate everybody…look! (SFX: stomping of foot) Wha…ouch!

GEORGE: You stepped on your own toe!

TAMIROFF: Yeah…I even hate myself!

Classic movie fans will no doubt remember Tamiroff in films like The Great McGinty (1940), For Whom the Bell Tolls (1943; for which he received an Oscar nomination), and Touch of Evil (1958). In fact, Paul Frees’ vocal characterization of Rocky and Bullwinkle villain Boris Badenov was loosely based on Tamiroff’s voice and mannerisms.

Just when it looks pretty bleak for Santa and the Burnses—the three of them, plus Herman the duck, have been thrown into the pirate ship’s hold, where the purloined toys are being stored—Gracie delivers a stirring speech on the urgent need to save the metal used in most of the toys for the war effort. Tamiroff the Terrible vows to walk the straight-and-narrow, at which point Gracie awakens from her crazy dream.

After Burns & Allen, I listened to an episode of The New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes as originally broadcast over Mutual Radio December 21, 1947. “The Adventure of the Christmas Bride” takes Holmes and Watson to Pensdragon Castle at the bequest of Lord Neville to attend his daughter’s nuptials—and how a ghostly bride is seen rising from a locked chest a few days before the event begins. I had never heard actor John Stanley in the role of the world’s most famous sleuth before, and his vocal resemblance to former Holmes Basil Rathbone is uncanny. (Many listeners were convinced during the show’s run that it was Rathbone, and that “John Stanley” was simply an alias.) The Doctor Watson of this particular episode is played by Alfred Shirley who, though an admired and respected radio actor, doesn’t really cut it for me—I guess I’m just too accustomed to Nigel Bruce as Holmes’ sidekick. Shirley sounds an awful like character actor Eric Blore, who was always waiting hand-and-foot on Fred Astaire in those RKO Astaire-Rogers musicals of the 1930s.