“Mr. Benny’s residence: star of stage, screen and radio—so whether you go out or stay home, he’s got you trapped…”

Jack Benny’s long radio association with Jell-O began in the fall of 1934 and ended at the sponsor’s insistence in 1942—not because the gelatin people were dissatisfied, you understand; Benny sold so much of the product that grocers often had difficulty keeping it on the shelves. But wartime sugar shortages severely curtailed Jell-O production, and so the General Foods folks switched the Benny program to Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes, two of just many products nestled underneath the General Foods banner. (Even though Jack was sponsored longer by Lucky Strike, more people continued to associate the comedian with Jell-O, years after his show had left the airwaves.)

In the fall of 1944, Jack signed with an aggressive new sponsor—the American Tobacco Company, who hired Benny to hawk Lucky Strike cigarettes. I place a tremendous emphasis on the word “hawk”—the company’s president, George Washington Hill, was a fervent believer of the “hard-sell,” insuring that every commercial on the program was repetitive, obnoxious and loud (“L.S.M.F.T” soon became part of the American lexicon, almost to the point of nauseam.). It is a tribute to the show’s writers that they were able to present the commercial-within-the-show in a consistently humorous manner (particularly once the Sportsmen Quartet was on board).

In the inaugural broadcast of the 1944-45 season (October 1, 1944), the show’s writers have a little fun referencing their previous sponsor:

JACK: What are we having for breakfast?
ROCHESTER: Huh?
JACK: I said, what are we having for breakfast?
ROCHESTER: If this was last season, I could mention it…
JACK: If this was last season, you’d have to mention it…

And then, it’s down to business. Perrin, Balzer, Josefsberg and Tackaberry have come up with a novel idea for the show: why not have Jack pay a visit to his new sponsor? He gets a phone call summoning him to the offices of the American Tobacco Company, and Mary suggests that they might want to speak to him about the progress in finding a replacement for Dennis Day:

JACK: You know, confidentially—I’ve been considering Bing Crosby for my singer…you know, he’s starting to get popular now…
MARY: Well, Jack, I don’t want to disillusion you—but you’re not going to get Crosby for $35 a week…
JACK: I wasn’t thinking of $35…
ROCHESTER: You ain’t gonna get him for what you’re thinking, either!
JACK: Oh, I don’t know…I don’t know…
MARY: Aw, Jack, what are you talking about…you can’t have Crosby—he makes thousands of dollars a week…
JACK: Well…say, maybe I could get his little son Larry—he sings, too…or for five dollars more, maybe I could get the twins…
MARY: Why don’t you wait another year—you might have more to choose from…

Day was forced to take a leave of absence from 1944-46 after enlisting in the Navy, and (yet another) tenor Larry Stevens was recruited to take his place in the interim beginning November 5, 1944. Though Stevens was popular with both the show’s cast and writers, his character never fully developed during his stint with the program, since it was understood that Day would eventually return (and did, on March 17, 1946).

Jack and Mary arrive for Jack’s meeting, and Hill informs his assistant that he’ll speak with Jack momentarily as he is in “conference”—he then addresses the individual to whom he has been speaking: “Now, as I was saying, your opinions interest me—I’d like to hear more of them.” And in response, we hear the unmistakable nasal tones of Fred Allen knifing his nemesis in the back: “Well, first of all, Mr. Hill—I don’t want you to think that I have anything against Benny personally…”

HILL: Mr. Allen—hearing you talk, I get the impression that you don’t like Mr. Benny…
FRED: Oh, I’m sorry I gave you that impression, Mr. Hill…I’m really very fond of Jack, he’s one of my best friends—it’s just that I…well, I hate to see him go back on the air and be a flop…
HILL: But…what makes you think Benny will be a flop? He always gets laughs…
ALLEN: Mr. Hill…anyone can get laughs who tells a joke, wiggles his ears, drops his pants and then shows a Bob Hope movie on the seat of his underwear…and with Benny’s red flannels, it looks like it’s in Technicolor yet…how could he miss?
HILL: Mr. Allen, I’m a businessman…I don’t care how a comedian gets his laughs…as long as he sells the product…and I think lots of people will sit by the radio, smoke a cigarette, and listen to Jack Benny…
ALLEN: Mr. Hill—that is an impossibility if I have ever heard one…smoke a cigarette and listen to Benny? How in the world can anyone smoke and hold his nose at the same time? It can’t be done…

Fred leaves Hill’s office through a side exit and Mary and Jack are ushered in. Some of Benny’s funniest moments on both radio and television involved him literally turning to jelly when confronting the sponsor, and he uses this opportunity to make a complete and utter fool of himself. Hill informs him that he has been talking with Fred, which naturally gets Jack’s haunches up and sets the scene for what follows:

FRED: Yes sir, Jack—it’s great being together again…
JACK: I’ll say it is…tell me, Freddy boy…what are you doing out here in Hollywood?
FRED: Oh, making a picture—I’m over at United Artists…
JACK: Oh yes, yes…I heard that Boris Karloff isn’t there anymore…
FRED: I know—and I heard that since you’ve been with Warners, the studio isn’t there anymore…
JACK: Now listen here, Allen…
MARY: Jack, Jack…it’s your own fault…you always have a chip on your shoulder…
JACK: I haven’t got a chip on my shoulder…
FRED: No, he’s right, Mary—that’s his head…his head looks like a knothole with skin on it…
JACK: That settles it, Allen—I’ve tried to be friends with you, but you won’t have it that way…I’d punch you right in the nose if there wasn’t a lady present…
MARY: I’ll leave, Jack…
JACK: You sit down!!! Now you listen to me, Allen…
FRED: And you listen to me, Benny…you’d punch who in the nose?
JACK: I’d punch you in the nose if it weren’t for your wife and children!
FRED: I haven’t got any children!
JACK: Then why aren’t you in the Army?!!

Both Mary and Hill attempt to referee the feuding, and Jack—in a fit of pique—yells at his sponsor to shut up, prompting him to babble profuse apologies as the orchestra plays up and out. It’s a shame that the only extant version of this broadcast is an AFRS broadcast (the one I listened to last night had one Lucky Strike commercial grafted on at the program’s beginning); I’m curious as to whether or not Terry Salomonson has the “full Monty” in his Phil Harris collection. Benny later reprised this show on television (one of my favorites) on April 19, 1953, with Allen returning as guest star and Eddie Cantor contributing a funny cameo.

After this episode, I listened to a humorous entry from September 30, 1945—the first broadcast from Jack’s 1945-46 season. It was an unwritten law in radio that the premiere show of the season was supposed to bring out the star comedian as quickly as possible, in order to demonstrate that he was still funny, even after returning from vacation. But Benny, the master of timing, takes his time with this broadcast, allowing his appearance to be delayed in order to let the listeners eavesdrop on a conversation between two NBC telephone operators, Mabel Flapsaddle (Sara Berner) and Gertrude Gearshift (Bea Benaderet):

(SFX: phone line buzzing)
GERTRUDE: Hello, National Broadcasting Company…
CALLER: Uh, say Operator…can you tell me what’s on the air at 4:00 today?
GERTRUDE: The Lucky Strike Program starring Jack Benny…
CALLER: Who?
GERTRUDE: Jack Benny... (SFX: gunshot) Gee, Mabel—that’s the sixth one today…
MABEL: Well, I’m still ahead…I’ve got eight…
GERTRUDE: Oh, you’re always lucky—you won last year, too…
MABEL: Yeah…Mr. Benny oughta know better than to open his program during the hunting season…
GERTRUDE: Yeah (phone line buzzes again) National Broadcasting Company…
CALLER: Say, Operator—can you tell me what’s on the air at 4:00 today?
GERTRUDE: The Lucky Strike Program starring Jack Benny…
CALLER: Who?
GERTRUDE: Jack Benny (pause) Hey, Mabel…
MABEL: What?
GERTRUDE: This one musta used a knife…
MABEL: Yeah—I’ll be glad when this day is over so I can go home and take off this black dress…
GERTRUDE: Yeah…and it’s so hard to talk through this veil…

This, of course, was Mabel and Gertrude’s debut appearance on the program, and it most certainly wouldn’t be their last—they were used frequently to great comic effect as the two women would snidely comment on Benny’s looks, cheapness, etc. (One of the all-time funniest Benny shows has Mabel and Gertrude double-dating with Jack and guest star Van Johnson; it is hilarious from start to finish.)

This program’s premise has Jack and the gang preparing for the first show of the season, and it contains many amusing moments (among them, Don forgets the Lucky Strike slogan “so round, so firm, so fully packed”) with a running gag on how no one knows the correct time due to Daylight Savings. There’s also a cameo by Edgar Bergen (and Charlie McCarthy) and an amusing jibe at Fred Allen (which Jack also turns on himself):

JACK: You know, Rochester—I’m really going to have to be on my toes this year…’cause there’s a great line-up of shows on Sunday…there’s Gildersleeve, and following us is Cass Daley, then Edgar Bergen & Charlie McCarthy…
ROCHESTER: You know, boss, Fred Allen’s gonna be with Edgar Bergen today…
JACK: Fred Allen? Is gonna be with Bergen?
ROCHESTER: Yeah!
JACK: What’s the matter, is Charlie McCarthy sick?
ROCHESTER: No, Mr. Allen’s gonna be a guest…and then next Sunday, he starts his own program…
JACK (disgruntled): Allen…his own program…how do you like that…Allen coming back on the air…you know, Rochester—it isn’t that I…dislike that stinker personally, but…I can’t understand why people laugh at his kind of jokes…
ROCHESTER: Me either, boss…
JACK: It’s a mystery to me why a sponsor would give him a job…
ROCHESTER: It’s hard to understand, ain’t it…?
JACK: It certainly is…I can’t figure out why he’s such a big success…can you, Rochester?
ROCHESTER: No, sir…but then, boss—maybe it’s just that our vines have sour grapes…

This broadcast also introduces character actor Richard Lane in the role of Steve Bradley, Jack’s fast-talking press agent. Lane is best-remembered by classic film buffs as Inspector Faraday in the Boston Blackie film series at Columbia (he also co-starred in a series of underrated comedy two-reelers with Gus Schilling while there as well). Bradley’s staying power on the program was quite limited, but the character was responsible for “I Can’t Stand Jack Benny Because…”—the promotional contest that would jump start Benny’s anemic ratings.