“Another cup of Maxwell House coffee, George?”

I continued my countdown to New Year’s Eve this morning with a broadcast of Maxwell House Coffee Time—starring George Burns & Gracie Allen—as originally heard over NBC Radio December 30, 1948. A very funny Burns & Allen outing, it also could be considered “Old Home Week” as the show’s former bandleader (1945-48), Meredith Willson, is the guest star. I’m not certain why Willson (author of the hit musical The Music Man) was let go at the end of the 1947-48 season, but his was certainly a missed presence—in many ways, he functioned as a male version of Gracie, though he was not so much dizzy as sweetly naïve and bashful. (Willson didn’t collect any unemployment checks after leaving the show, however—he was still working for General Foods as the spokesman for Jell-O on The Aldrich Family.)

As the show opens, we find the Burnses stoked about their upcoming New Year’s celebration:

GEORGE: Gracie, we’re going to have the greatest New Year’s Eve party in town…

GRACIE: Mmm…you bet we are!

GEORGE: Money is no object…I’ve hired an orchestra!

GRACIE: You did?

GEORGE: Yep…and on New Year’s Eve, musicians really come high…

GRACIE: And they leave even higher…

GEORGE: What about the food…did you take care of that?

GRACIE: Mm hmm…I bought two turkeys…oh, and I hired a maid to pass around the hors d’oeurves…

GEORGE: This is really going to be some party…

GRACIE: Mm hmm…

GEORGE: I, uh…I bought champagne…

GRACIE: You did?

GEORGE: Uh huh…and at midnight, we’ll fill our glasses and drink bottoms up…

GRACIE: Isn’t that an awkward position?

GEORGE: Yes, it’ll spoil my hat…

GRACIE: You know, darling…with an orchestra tomorrow night, you’ll be able to sing your very best…

GEORGE: Ah, no…people don’t want to hear me sing…

GRACIE: Oh, they do too! And sometime before the party, be sure to learn that new popular song, “Drop Dead”…

GEORGE: A popular song called “Drop Dead”?

GRACIE: Sure…well, there must be…at every sociable, when you get up to sing you say “What would you like me to do?” and everybody yells…

GEORGE (interrupting) Oh yes, yes, yes…

George & Gracie receive another “old home week” visitor in the personage of Mr. Judson, a Texas oil/cattleman portrayed on their program by the one-and-only Gale Gordon. I must admit, however, I’ve never cared much for this character, although his material is a little better than usual. Someone once speculated on The Old-Time Radio Digest that the addition of Judson was inspired by the success of Kenny Delmar’s Senator Claghorn character on The Fred Allen Show. Suffice it to say, Judson was a pale imitation at best, and remains one of Gordon’s weakest characterizations (his catchphrase “Little lady, I like your sense of humor!” was equally lame). Gordon, of course, became well-known as the perfect comic foil for Lucille Ball, both on radio’s My Favorite Husband and TV’s The Lucy Show—but that’s kind of giving him short shrift; he was much more versatile than that, as his performances ran the gamut from space hero Flash Gordon to detective Gregory Hood.

Gracie plans to invite Judson to their New Year’s party but while searching for an extra invitation she stumbles across the other invitations that she has forgotten to mail. Knowing that George will be furious when he discovers this, she attempts to round up the invited guests—including announcer Bill Goodwin and Mrs. Chester Vanderlip (Bea Benaderet)—but they’ve already made plans. Gracie then pays Meredith a visit, as he is her last hope:

GRACIE: Meredith, you were supposed to get a beautiful invitation to our New Year’s Eve party but I forgot to mail it…

MEREDITH: That probably accounts for my failure to receive it…

GRACIE: Yeah…so I’m inviting you right now…you’ve just got to come, it means so much to George…

MEREDITH: Well, I’m afraid I have previous plans for tomorrow night, Gracie…I’m proposing to a lovely young creature…just the type I’ve always wanted to marry…a girl…

GRACIE: Meredith, must you propose to this girl? George will be so disappointed…

MEREDITH: Why? I’ve never given him any encouragement…

GRACIE: No, I mean he’ll be disappointed if you don’t come…can’t you propose at our party?

MEREDITH: Oh no, I fear that’s too public…besides, I’ve promised to kneel before the very sofa on which her father proposed to her mother…

GRACIE: Oh…did she accept him?

MEREDITH: I presume so…

GRACIE: Do her folks approve of you, Meredith?

MEREDITH: Oh, yes…her entire family has taken me to their…if you’ll pardon the expression…bosom…

GRACIE: How nice…

MEREDITH: It’s unfortunate that your party isn’t tonight, Gracie…as my betrothed is working and I’m quite free…

GRACIE: Yes, if tonight were only New Year’s Eve all the people I invited could come and then…(realization sets in) Meredith, I’ve got it!

MEREDITH: What?

GRACIE: I’ll make tonight New Year’s Eve…

MEREDITH: Have a care, Gracie…you are assuming powers greater than those of Petrillo…

GRACIE: I mean, I’ll make George think it’s New Year’s Eve…

MEREDITH: But that’s twenty-four hours away…

GRACIE: That’s the idea…he’s going to bed early tonight, so I’ll get all the guests over and wake George up and tell him he slept twenty-four hours…

MEREDITH: That’s a brilliant idea! Gracie, no one else has a brain like you…except possibly me…

GRACIE: Mm hmm…we do make a great team…we’re like those Congressmen who support each other in Washington…when we put our heads together, it’s a solid block…

With her scheme underway, the “New Year’s Eve party” begins:

GRACIE: Shh!!! Quiet, everybody! Are enough people here to get the party started?

BILL: Oh sure, Gracie...

GRACIE: Does everybody know everybody else? Meredith, you haven’t met the Vanderlips…

MRS. VANDERLIP: How do you do, Mr. Willson?

MR. VANDERLIP: How do you do?

MEREDITH: How do you do…it’s always a pleasure to widen my acquaintances…

MR. VANDERLIP: Thank you…

MEREDITH: By that, I mean I enjoy meeting new people…I’m sure that you and your wife are wide enough…

MRS. VANDERLIP: Well! I like that!

GRACIE: Oh ho, I knew you’d get along…now, uh…put on your paper hats everyone, and I’ll go in and wake George and tell him it’s New Year’s Eve…

MEREDITH: Well, how long has he been in bed?

GRACIE: About fifteen minutes…

MR. VANDERLIP: Well, maybe he’s still awake…

GRACIE: Oh, no…I don’t think so…he was lying on his tummy and that way he usually rocks himself to sleep…now, I’ll wake him up and the party can start…(SFX: door opens, closes, snoring) Happy New Year!

GEORGE (startled awake) Huh??? Wha…what was that?

GRACIE: It’s New Year’s Eve, dear…

GEORGE: New Year’s Eve? This…this is Thursday…

GRACIE: No, no dear…it’s Friday…you slept for twenty-four hours…

GEORGE: Have you gone out of your mind?

GRACIE: Get out of bed, the guests are here for the party…

GEORGE: Guests?

GRACIE: Well, sure…listen…(SFX: door opens) Happy New Year!

GUESTS: Happy New Year!

(SFX: door closes)

GRACIE: Get dressed, dear…

GEORGE: I must be dreaming…hand me my robe…

GRACIE: Here…

GEORGE: I don’t believe this…(SFX: door opens) Happy New Year…

GUESTS: Happy New Year!

(SFX: door closes)

GEORGE: Gee…I feel like I only slept a few minutes…

GRACIE: You slept twenty-four hours, you sleepyhead…naughty boy!

GEORGE: Twenty-four hours? Why didn’t you wake me?

GRACIE: Well, I didn’t have the heart, darling…you were so tired…

GEORGE: Funny thing is, I still am…

A great deal of hilarity ensues at the party, including an amusing Maxwell House commercial and a running gag in which Gracie attempts to keep George awake by asking “Oh, you’re not having fun, dear…blow your little horn…” followed by a funny-sounding horn toot. It’s one of those jokes that’s funny due to its constant repetition; similar to Red Skelton’s line “It’s nice to be back among the magnolias again!” in A Southern Yankee (1948) or Jack Benny’s “So they call me Concentration Camp Ehrhardt, eh?” in To Be or Not to Be (1942). The horn gag proved so popular that it popped up again in subsequent broadcasts, particularly the following week with guest Gregory Peck.

In addition to fine support from Gordon, Benaderet (she’s hysterical as a maid serving the party’s guests, using those one-of-kind-Brooklynese tones she showcased as Amber Lipscott on My Friend Irma) and Hans Conried, this broadcast also features a nice musical turn from Gracie as she sings “Little Grass Shack in Hawaii.” Gracie often demonstrated her musical talents in the early Burns & Allen programs but her delightful singing voice was pretty much silenced once the show shifted to its domestic sitcom format in 1942.