Christmas with Verna

Continuing with the sounds of the Christmas season, I listened to another holiday-themed broadcast of The Red Skelton Program last night, as originally heard over NBC Radio on December 25, 1945. My favorite Skelton shows are those broadcast between 1945-50, and the topicality of joking about food shortages is prevalent in this Christmas gift exchange between Red and announcer Rod O’Connor:

ROD: Well, speaking of gifts—here’s mine to you…uh, did anyone give you an electric toaster?

RED: Well, not that I know of…

ROD: Well, in case they do…this will come in handy…

RED: Gee…a loaf of bread! Gosh, you shouldn’t have done it, really…

ROD: Red…in the middle of the loaf…you’ll find three slices buttered…

RED: No kiddin’? Why did you say it—how will I get it home now? My life won’t be worth a nickel…well, here’s my gift to you…

ROD: Aw gee, Red…that’s swell…and it’s so beautifully wrapped, too…

RED: Yeah, in case you missed the news yesterday, that newspaper will come in handy…

The show’s vocalist, Anita Ellis, sings a nice version of “Toyland” and then we are treated to an early version of the Clem Kadiddlehopper Christmas-tree-salesman sketch that I commented on in an earlier post. Here, Clem’s girlfriend is played by actress GeGe Pearson:

SARAH DEW: Oh, howdy, Clem!

CLEM: Well, Sarah Dew! Howdy doody to you, too! Gee, you look like a million dollars tonight…

SARAH: Well, have you ever seen a million dollars, Clem?

CLEM: Nope…that’s what I mean…you look like somethin’ I ain’t never seen (to audience) She didn’t get, it’s too fast for her…

(snip)

CLEM: Say, what did Santy Claus…uh…gonna bring ya, did you tell him what you wanted yet? I did…

SARAH: Oh, Clem…aren’t ya just a little too big fer Santa Claus? You are an adult…

CLEM: Now, just a minute! Let’s not spread that around…it may mean what I think it does…

SARAH: Well, what did you ask fer?

CLEM: Page 30 of Esquire in person! Boy, oh boy! Finest picture of a bird dog I ever seen…beautiful girls, too…

SARAH: Oh, Clem…don’t talk like an idiot…you know them girls there…them there models are jest a dime a dozen…

CLEM: A dime a dozen? For them models? Gee, and I’ve been buying licorice all this time…

Then Rod O’Connor arrives on the scene, and the skit continues in the vein of the December 19, 1951 show—concrete proof that the concept of recycling was nothing new to both comedians and their writers.

When Skelton returned to the airwaves on December 4, 1945 after his hitch in the military, his program featured a mostly brand-new cast, including veteran radio actress Verna Felton. Felton kept quite busy during the Golden Age of Radio, appearing on the Abbott & Costello, Joan Davis, Judy Canova, and Rudy Vallee shows. She was also a regular on such radio sitcoms as Point Sublime, Meet Mr. McNutley, and My Little Margie (she played neighbor Mrs. Odetts on the radio version, the TV version starred Gertrude Hoffman). Prior to her work on the Skelton show, her most famous radio role as that of Dennis Day’s mother on The Jack Benny Program. She was prominently featured in that part when the tenor made his first appearances in 1939; Mrs. Day was a feisty old battleaxe who would constantly berate Benny for exploiting her son. When Jack would protest to the contrary (although there was a small kernel of truth to her accusations as Dennis was contractually obligated to mow Benny’s lawn every week) she would usually cut him off with an “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh—shut up!”

Verna proved to be the perfect foil for Red’s “mean widdle kid” character, playing Grandma (or “Namaw,” as Junior called her) to his memorable little demon-on-wheels. In this December 25, 1945 show, she’s taken him to a department store to visit Santa Claus:

NAMAW: Goodness, this store is really crowded…

JUNIOR: Ain’t it crowded though? And what an inspiration…boy, what a spot to yell “fire” in…

NAMAW: Junior! You wouldn’t do anything naughty like that now, would you? (laughing) You’re kidding me…

JUNIOR (laughing with her): Yeah, you just keep laughing, kiddo, that’s all…you take these handcuffs off me, I’ll show ya, boy…

NAMAW: Junior, now stay with Grandma…

JUNIOR: Yes, ma’am…I won’t run away because if I got lost you would worry…

NAMAW: Yes I would, Junior…I’d be afraid I might find you again…

JUNIOR: Boy…you sure does love me, don’t ya, huh…

NAMAW: I can’t figure out why you’re so good all of a sudden…

JUNIOR: It’s the night before Christmas and all through the house…nothing is stirring, not even this louse….

NAMAW: Now, now…this good behavior just before Christmas won’t get you anywhere…

JUNIOR: Well, what has I done wrong this year?

NAMAW: I’ll tell you…

JUNIOR: No, no…never mind, never mind…I know, you know…but let’s keep it away from Santa Claus, huh? He’s not interested in these domestic problems…besides, why make him change his list at this late date, you know?

Felton also played a funny role in some of Red’s later CBS programs—a cantankerous next-door neighbor named Mrs. Fussy. But she wasn’t just constricted to radio—she had a busy career in films, with roles in The Gunfighter (1950), Don’t Bother to Knock (1952), and Picnic (1955). (In an interesting bit of casting, she also plays the part of Junior’s mother in Red Skelton’s 1948 screen comedy The Fuller Brush Man—in which his salesman character runs into the “mean widdle kid” from the radio show.) Add to this a recurring role as Hilda Crocker on the TV sitcom December Bride (she was sidekick to Spring Byington’s Lily Ruskin) and much voice work in Disney films (Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty) and it’s no surprise that she is so fondly remembered by classic film and OTR fans alike.

Junior finally gets to talk to the “big man from the North Pole”; actor Arthur Q. Bryan guest stars as St. Nicholas, as Junior sits on his lap:

JUNIOR: My, look at that nice, long beard you has…it’s so soft it looks like five o’clock shadow with snow in it, don’t it? Boy, if I only had a pair of scissors (laughs) I kiddin’, I kiddin’…I wouldn’t touch it…

SANTA: And what would you like more than anything else?

JUNIOR: Well…a pair of scissors, I guess…

SANTA (laughing) Let’s talk about you…have you been a good boy?

JUNIOR: No, let’s talk about you, huh…you is really a nice old man, you know…I’ve been a pretty good boy…

SANTA: You wouldn’t be trying to flatter me, would you?

JUNIOR: You a trusting old soul, ain’t ya?

SANTA: Have you been a good boy?

JUNIOR: Well…for the past week…I will admit I has been pretty good but it makes me sick to think about it, you know…

SANTA: What about the other 358 days?

JUNIOR: Well…I ain’t been idle, you know…

Blending smiles with pathos, Skelton’s Junior asks Santa Claus only for a Christmas tree—and several other unselfish things, like the elimination of prejudice and war, and a hope that things will be easier in postwar times. I have to say, this particular broadcast was even better than the previous one I listened to—with some solid laughs and lovely holiday music throughout.