Next up at 9:30pm , The Pepsodent Show Starring Bob Hope. Bob, of course, kicks things off with his opening monologue:
BOB: …yesterday I went to the post office to mail some packages—what a line…believe it or not, just standing in line I passed my own house twice…I never saw a line that long before…I had a package I wanted to mail to a friend of mine in Boston, and by the time I walked to the end of the line I handed it to him…
After that, Bob brings out his resident stooge, “Professor” Jerry Colonna:
BOB: Professor, this is the gay Yuletide season, you know…you look as if you were down in the dumps…
COLONNA: Egad…he knows where his present is coming from…
BOB: Well, Professor…tell us something about Christmas in Hollywood
COLONNA: All right…you know, people in Hollywood Hollywood Boulevard Hollywood Boulevard
BOB: No…why?
COLONNA: Can’t find parking space…
A sprightly version of “Winter Wonderland” by the show’s resident female vocalist, Francis Langford then follows, as she is accompanied by the vocal group Six Hits and a Miss. While reading the liner notes to this particular CD I came across an interesting trivial tidbit that I had to file in the “I-Did-Not-Know-That” department: at the time of this broadcast, the “Miss” in the vocal group was none other than Betty Hutton (who later sings the song “Toytown Jamboree,” being introduced by Hope as “Vitamin-B with legs”). Hutton, a hyperkinetic blonde singer/actress, would later co-star with Bob in the 1943 musical comedy Let’s Face It (they had previously appeared in the all-star cast of 1942’s Star Spangled Rhythm).
Bob’s announcer, Ben Gage, then introduces the show’s special guest, British actress Madeleine Carroll:
BEN: Ladies and gentlemen…we members of the cast of this show have been wondering for a long time what we should give Bob Hope for Christmas…of course, we could give him the same thing he gave us…but he’s already got an autographed picture of Bob Hope…so tonight, we’ve got a real surprise for Bob…something Bob has always really wanted…something I’m sure any man would be glad to find in his Christmas stocking…and here she is, one of Hollywood’s most glamorous stars, currently seen in Paramount’s Bahama Passage—Miss Madeleine Carroll!
MADELEINE: Thank you, Mr. Gage…goodness, but you’re big, aren’t you?
BEN: Yes, I am rather tall…and muscular…
MADELEINE: You know, I like big, strong men like you…I think they’re…
BOB: Uh, pardon me, Madeleine…Madeleine, honey…
MADELEINE: Quiet, shorty.
BEN: You know…I could go for you, Miss Carroll…
MADELEINE: Oh, Ben…call me Mad…
BOB: Call me mad, too…
MADELEINE: You know, that was a lovely speech you made, Ben, when you introduced me before…would you like to find me in your Christmas stocking?
BOB: Look at the size of that foot…he could get the Andrews Sisters in there…
(snip)
BOB: Come on now, Ben…scram!
BEN: Bob, you’re being unfair…after all, the gang and I got Madeleine down here as a Christmas present to you…
BOB: Oh, you did…have you arranged for Madeleine’s salary, too?
BEN: Sure…we’re all gonna chip in as soon as you pay us…
MADELEINE: I guess I’ll have to dream the rest…
BOB: You’ll get paid, Madeleine…and seeing that you’re English, your salary for tonight will be a thousand pounds…
MADELEINE: A thousand pounds? No, Bob…I couldn’t take it…
BOB: Oh gee, that’s a shame…and after I had all the Pepsodent weighed out, too…
Carroll was a frequent guest star on Hope’s program, and Bob liked her so much that he dubbed her “My Favorite Blonde”—which was later used as the title of a 1942 comedy the two of them made together that has more than a passing similarity to the classic 1935 Hitchcock film The 39 Steps in which she co-starred with Robert Donat. There is a brief mention on this broadcast of their cinematic collaboration:
MADELEINE: But seriously, Bob…I think you’re quite handsome and I love working with you in our new picture…
BOB: Oh…do you mean it, Maddie?
MADELEINE: Certainly…I’m very happy with you as my leading man…gosh, I made pictures with Gary Cooper, Brian Aherne, Robert Preston and Fred MacMurray…but sometimes a girl gets tired of appearing with actors…
BOB: Wait a minute, Madeleine, now…people have told me that I’m an actor of the first water…
MADELEINE: Bob…in Hollywood
The last third of the show is a funny sketch that has Bob throwing a Christmas party for the show’s regulars. I’m not sure who was writing the “stingy” jokes for Bob at this time, but my guess would be Milt Josefsberg, who worked for Hope before joining Jack Benny’s writing staff in 1943:
BOB: Say, Maddie…don’t you think it was swell of me to invite the whole gang over to my house for a Christmas party this year?
MADELEINE: Yes, Bob…and I think thirty-five cents is very reasonable…
BOB: Madeleine…come over here and sit down, huh?
MADELEINE: Bob…I don’t like that smile on your face…you’ve got that “come hither” look in your nose…
BOB: Oh, Madeleine…why do you avoid me like this? Am I, perchance, unattractive?
MADELEINE: Of course not, Bob…why, I think you’re one of the handsomest men in Hollywood
BOB: What makes you say that? My eyes? My lips? Or my profile?
MADELEINE: My script…
At the show’s end, Francis Langford sings a beautiful rendition of “Silent Night,” and is joined by the cast. For the next four-plus decades, Bob Hope would use this traditional Christmas number for the close of all his USO Christmas shows.
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