Last evening, I sampled a pair of old-time radio Christmas programs that made for enjoyable holiday listening—the first of which starring a man whose rendition of the Irving Berlin chestnut (roasting on an open fire?) “White Christmas” has become virtually synonymous with the spirit of the season. Yes, it’s Bing Crosby and Christmas Sing With Bing, originally broadcast over CBS Radio December 24, 1958 .
The Old Groaner (backed by the Paul Weston Orchestra and the Norman Luboff Choir) tosses off some great Christmas carol classics (“The First Noel,” “Adeste Fideles”) while taking a globetrotting tour around the world and sampling selections from other choirs in places like Australia, Italy, France, and Canada—as well as U.S. cities like Salt Lake City and Philadelphia. Longtime Crosby announcer Ken Carpenter makes certain that the show’s tab is taken care of by singing the praises of the Insurance Company of North America . (“Does your insurance taste different lately?”)
Highlights include a visit with Governor William A. Egan—the first governor of the newly-admitted state of Alaska
Der Bingle is also joined by Mrs. Bingle—Kathryn (Grant) Crosby—and the two Bingles sing a pretty duet of “Away in the Manger” for their four-month-old son. Add an equally pleasant rendition of “White Christmas” to this entire party mix and the result? An hour of great Christmas tunes, the equivalent of listening to a Crosby Christmas album (the Decca people, in fact, did release an LP with the title Christmas Sing With Bing).
Next up—an entertaining Christmas edition of The Jack Benny Program, unusual in that it was originally broadcast in December of 1956, long after Benny called it quits on May 22, 1955 . The program, however, continued in reruns (as The Best of Benny) over CBS until 1958, sponsored by the Home Insurance Company (apparently Crosby ’s not the only one in the insurance biz). This special (which, by the way, is the AFRTS version from December 1957 since it is sans the original 3M commercials) features the familiar Jack Benny regulars: Eddie “Rochester
DON: And now, ladies and gentlemen…it is with great pleasure and deepest respect that I present the star of our show…a man who’s not only the dean of American comedy, but who like the tide, keeps rolling along month after month, year in and year out…who, despite the wearing of the elements and the ravages of time, only gains in quality…and who, although failing in memory, has managed to grope his way to the microphone and here he is…Jack Benny!
JACK: Thank you…thank you…thank you, ladies and gentlemen…welcome to ’Life with Methuselah…”
The program starts out as a conventional Benny broadcast, but soon shifts gears to let Jack and Mary do the show’s traditional Christmas-shopping-in-the-department-store shtick. Jack is trying to locate a suitable gift for his sister, Florence
JACK: It ought to be something nice…you know, Mary, I have no brothers and no other sister…Florence
MARY: What did you get her last year?
JACK: A pencil sharpener…
MARY: Oh…how sweet, Jack…but then, she is your only sister...
JACK: We’ve always been very close…she writes to me all the time, you know…
MARY: When you have a house full of sharp pencils, you gotta do something…
The pencil sharpener soon takes center stage as the show’s “boomerang” gag, as Mary tries to decide on a gift for Jack:
CLERK: May I wait on you, miss?
MARY: Yes, I’d like to get something for a gentleman…
CLERK: A gentleman? Your husband?
MARY: No, my boss…I’ve worked with him for an awfully long time and I’d like to show my appreciation…
CLERK: Well, here’s something nice…a gold tie clasp…
MARY: A gold tie clasp? No.
CLERK: How about a gold key chain?
MARY: No.
CLERK: Well, how about gold cufflinks?
MARY: Look, mister…I don’t want to get him anything he can melt down…
(snip)
CLERK: Well, well…he is quite a problem…well, perhaps I could help you better if you told me how closely you two are associated…are you engaged?
MARY: No, we’re not…
CLERK: Well…heh…is he your boyfriend?
MARY: No, as a matter of fact, he treats me more like a sister…
CLERK: How about a pencil sharpener?
Not to be left out, Rochester
CLERK: May I wait on you?
CLERK: For your boss, huh…well, how about a tie?
CLERK: Well, how about a wallet or a money clip?
CLERK: You know, it’s a thing to hold your folding money…
CLERK: Well, it’s a spring-like metal clip that holds the money tight…
The Christmas special also features guest appearances from Frances Bergen (wife of Edgar, she sings “The Very Thought of You”) and June Allyson. The Bergen
JUNE: …and Jack, I’m so glad I ran into you today…I want to thank you very much for remembering me…
JACK: Oh, did you get my present already?
JUNE: Oh no…just the card telling me that you’re going to send me one…
MARY: Jack sent you a card?
JUNE: Uh-huh…I think I’ve got it here…oh yes, here it is…”I’m sending you a present…the twenty-fifth is the date…so you’ll have plenty of time…to reciprocate…”
JACK: Isn’t that a nice poem?
MARY: Sounds more like a ransom note…
JACK: It does not…
JUNE: Then why did you throw it through my window tied to a rock?
June also gets in a plug for her latest film, 1956’s You Can’t Run Away From It (a musical remake of It Happened One Night), directed by her husband, Dick Powell:
JACK: Well, frankly, June…I’m very disappointed in Dick and I wish you’d tell him when you get home…you see, he led me to believe that I would have the leading role in that picture…
JUNE: Well, he was going to use you, Jack…but then at the last minute, he changed his mind…
JACK: Why?
JUNE: Well, he figured that if on the marquee it said “Jack Benny: You Can’t Run Away From It” people wouldn’t know if it was a title or a warning…
Of course, Jack also encounters many of the dues-paying members of the Benny Show repertory company: Artie Auerbach (Mr. Kitzel), Mel Blanc, Benny Rubin, Sam Hearn, Joseph Kearns, Herb Vigran and Elliott Lewis as the perfume counter “mooley” (“Don’t take my word for it—smell me!”) All in all, a fun program, a truly enjoyable holiday romp.
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