“Ho-ly cow!”

I’ll come clean; I’m a sucker for those old television sitcoms from the 1950s. Yes, I know that there is absolutely no resemblance between these shows and real-life families (although if you’ve ever been curious to see an authentic reproduction of Ozzie and Harriet you should drop in and meet my parents sometime) but that’s all part of the fun of watching. I can’t help but giggle at the rainbow-colored idealism of programs like The Donna Reed Show or Leave It to Beaver. (My friend Jeff states unequivocally that Leave It to Beaver is the best situation comedy in the history of television, and has written several non-published pieces on the subversive subtext of selected episodes. I keep prodding him about getting them published.)

One of the best-known examples of the wholesome white-bread, WASP-family sitcom is Father Knows Best. When I was young, I hated this show with the intensity of a thousand white-hot suns. I hated Robert Young and his wise, all-knowing patriarchal role of Jim Anderson, whose dispensed advice as freely as Young’s other famous TV character, Dr. Marcus Welby, dispensed prescriptions. I hated his perfect wife, Margaret (Jane Wyatt) and his all-too perfect children: Betty (Elinor Donahue), Bud (Billy Gray), and Kathy (Lauren Chapin). I hated their perfect little house on their perfect little street in their perfect little town (Springfield).

Then I was introduced to the radio version of Father Knows Best, which ran on NBC Radio beginning August 25, 1949 and ending April 25, 1954. If you’ve ever had the opportunity to listen to this series, I think you’ll get a chuckle out of it because—at least to me—it presents the all-too perfect Andersons in a slightly dysfunctional light.

The late Robert Young was a popular film actor who generally played nice, genial leading man roles—I never really cared for him since he was a little on the bland side. But he did turn in some interesting performances, particularly in films that showcased his darker side like The Mortal Storm (1940) (he plays a Hitler-Youth Nazi in that one!) and They Won’t Believe Me (1947). Young was also no stranger to radio; appearing on such series as The Frank Morgan Show (aka Maxwell House Coffee Time), Good News, and Passport for Adams (a 1943 wartime series in which he was the star). Both Good News and the Morgan show were sponsored by Maxwell House/General Foods; the company would also pay the bills for Father Knows Best—I’ve often wondered how the Sanka people felt about this when Young did a popular series of commercials for them in the 1970s.

The December 20, 1948 audition program for Father Knows Best, which is in circulation among OTR collectors, is an interesting, embryonic look at what would later become one of TV’s beloved family shows. The last name of the Anderson clan is Henderson in this early show, and Young’s father comes across as a bit of a numbskull--only slightly smarter than, say, Ozzie Nelson. It’s also interesting to note that Young’s patriarch comes across as a man who has a bit of a short fuse; you sometimes expect him to take a tip from The Stepfather and do away with the entire family when no one’s looking. The Anderson kids are also not the role models of the TV series; Betty is a bit on the spoiled and shallow side, and Kathy is pretty much an obnoxious brat. It has been speculated that the series in its early incarnation seemed to play out as if there were a question mark after the title.

But by 1953, the program found its niche and became fairly close to the classic TV show remembered by fans today. I listened to a broadcast from December 31, 1953 last night—which is particularly fitting, since the New Year is almost upon us. The Anderson clan are engaged in New Year’s preparations, particularly Jim and Margaret, who are getting the opportunity to ring in 1954 at a neighbor’s party since the children have plans to go elsewhere:

JIM: Hey, where’s the new black bowtie I bought to wear tonight?

BETTY (from the hall): Mother…!!!

JIM: I put it right here on the bed!

BETTY (entering the bedroom): Mother, I snagged these stockings…do you have an extra pair of real sheer dark ones?

MARGARET: Look in my top drawer…I think there’s one pair in there…

BETTY: Those are the ones I snagged…

MARGARET: Oh…well, did you look in the…

BETTY (interrupting): There’s none there either…

MARGARET: Well, maybe you can…

BETTY (interrupting again): That won’t work either…the only solution I can see, Mother, is for us to exchange stockings…

MARGARET: I should wear the snagged ones…???

BETTY: Well, after all, Mother…it doesn’t matter so much how you’re…uh…well, I mean…when a person gets to be…well, in a crowd of elderly married people who looks at anyone’s legs?

MARGARET: Well, there’s your father…and Mr. Davis…and Mr. Phillips, Mr. Liggett, Mr. Stevens…and Mr. Stewart…

JIM: Betty, have you seen an elderly black bow tie anywhere?

BETTY: Father, I’ve got problems of my own…

JIM: Oh, I’m sorry…

BUD (from the hall) Mom…???

MARGARET: Betty…I may be caught up in the Stanley Steamer crowd, but I plan to wear these stockings tonight even though…

BETTY (as she exits the bedroom): Oh wait—I think I might have another pair in my room…

BUD (still in the hall) Mom…!!!

JIM: I can’t imagine where that tie went to…

BUD (entering the bedroom): Mom, where’s that checked flannel shirt of mine?

MARGARET: Bud…you can’t wear that to a party…

BUD: It hasn’t got any holes in it…

MARGARET: I know that…

BUD: …and it’s clean…

MARGARET: Bud, I want you to dress up…

BUD: Why? All that’s gonna be there is just some fellas…and some girls…

JIM: Nobody but people, huh?

(snip)

JIM: Bud, wear your good shoes and stop badgering your mother…

BUD: Well…okay…if you want your boy to be a wallflower…

JIM: Wait a minute, Wallflower…do you know where my new…

BUD (exiting the bedroom): No!

JIM: I didn’t think so…now what do you suppose happened to that tie? Margaret, are you sure you didn’t pick it up?

MARGARET: I haven’t even seen the tie, Jim…

JIM: It was right here on the bed…

KATHY (from the hall): Mommy!

JIM: …now what could have happened to it?

KATHY (entering the bedroom): Mommy, how do I look in my new black hair ribbon?

MARGARET: Does that answer your question, Jim?

Though the role of Margaret Anderson was essayed by June Whitley in the early run of the radio series, by the time of this broadcast actress Jean VanderPyl had taken over the part. VanderPyl is perhaps best-known to today’s audiences as the voice of Wilma Flintstone on the prime-time animated cartoon series The Flintstones (1960-66), though her radio résumé included shows like The Halls of Ivy and Joan Davis Time.

The New Year’s preparations hit a snag when the friend that Kathy (Helen Strohm) had planned to spend the night with is taken ill (the girl apparently became sick after eating mistletoe), which necessitates the hiring of a baby sitter. The regular sitters used by Jim and Margaret are already booked up, but one of them sends her nephew Freddie Zollers (Gil Stratton, Jr.) in her place—Freddie is a handsome college student who immediately catches the eye of fickle little minx Betty (Rhoda Williams):

BUD: Hey, who’s he?

BETTY: Shhh…!!!

BUD: Who’s Freddie?

BETTY: That’s Kathy’s sitter…

BUD: Sitter? Howlin’ cats, Dad—get a load of that sitter…

BETTY: Who’s on the phone, Ralph?

JIM: Yes—did you say the sitter’s a he?

BUD: Take a peek in the dining room…

BETTY (taking the receiver) Hello? Oh yes, Ralph…well, no…I’m not ready yet…Ralph, I’m afraid I’m not going to make it…

BUD: See him, Dad?

JIM: Yeah…

BETTY: Well, Ralph, I have a simply, utterly crushing headache and I just don’t think I can go to the party tonight…

JIM: Now, wait a minute, Betty…

BETTY: Oh, I’m awfully sorry, Ralph…I just wouldn’t be any fun at all tonight…

JIM: Now listen here, Betty…

BETTY: Well, I’m sorry too, Ralph…but this came up awfully sudden…

JIM: It certainly did…

BETTY: Well, thank you, Ralph, I will…goodbye…

(SFX: phone hang-up)

JIM: Betty, I’m ashamed of you…

BETTY: But why, Father? You wouldn’t want me to go out with a crushing headache, would you?

JIM: No…no, of course not…in fact, now that I think of it…I’m glad you did that…

BETTY: You are?

JIM: Certainly! Now that you’re going to be home we won’t need the sitter…

You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to pull a fast one on Father Anderson, that's for sure. For the rest of the episode, as they say in Sitcomland, the wacky complications ensue—and by the show’s end, all of the Andersons (and Freddie) end up spending New Year’s Eve together at home.

Like many well-known film stars, Robert Young learned that a weekly radio series could prove to be quite lucrative, but Father Knows Best didn’t necessarily tie the actor down. While Young was on tour appearing in a play, his co-stars often joined him in each city to do their regular broadcast. Father Knows Best was one of the more successful radio shows to transplant to television, making its debut on October 3, 1954 and running on all three major networks (CBS, NBC and ABC) until 1963.