“Atsa funny thing—when I’m-a say it, itsa come out different…”

I recall one sleepless Sunday afternoon some time back where I put on a few episodes of the radio sitcom My Friend Irma, hoping that they would lull me towards lullaby land. No such luck. I listened to about six shows—about three hours—before I was exhausted enough to conk out. In listening to these programs, I couldn’t help but notice that they all seem to suffer from a stifling, cookie-cutter sameness; I thought perhaps that it might be because I was listening to them all in one sitting, as opposed to how they probably should be listened to, once a week. But now I’m not so certain that it's not the handiwork of the show’s creator-producer Cy Howard—because I’ve detected it in his other hit sitcom, Life With Luigi, as well.

I previewed a couple of Luigi broadcasts last night, the first originally heard over CBS Radio March 27, 1949. It’s spring, and Luigi’s fancy has turned to thoughts of love, a subject he takes up with his friend and fellow night-school classmate, Schultz (Hans Conried):

LUIGI: Schultz, donna spring meana nothing to you?
SCHULTZ: Sure! Dot’s ven I defrost der izebox! Ah ha! I got it…Luigi, in schpring, you should go out vit a girl…
LUIGI: Oh, please-a, Schultz…
SCHULTZ: Oh, schtop…you’re going out vit my cousin Volfgang’s daughter Mathilda…sure, sure…zis Zaturday night, you’re taking her to der movies…
LUIGI: But-a, Schultz…I’m-a never take a girl to the movies…
SCHULTZ: Oh, Luigi—it’s der zame thing like going by yourzelf…only ven you go vit a girl, you don’t look at der picture…
LUIGI: But-a, Schultz—why should I go if I’m-a not gonna enjoy myself?
SCHULTZ: Schtop dat, Luigi, schtop…now here’s Mathilda’s telephone number…go ahead, call her up right avay und take her to der movies zis Zaturday…
LUIGI: No, Schultz…thanks, but I’m-a think I maybe not-a go…
SCHULTZ: Schtop dat, don’t put it off…remember—he who hezitates never gets to der movies before the prizes shange…

Back at his antique store, Luigi (J. Carrol Naish) is telling his good friend and fellow countryman Pasquale about his big plans:

LUIGI: Thissa Saturday, I’m-a gotta date with a girl!
PASQUALE: Ho ho! Oh, Luigi…I’m-a so glad to hear this…you finally gonna go out witha my daughter Rosa, eh?
LUIGI: No…I’m-a goin’ out with a girl…
PASQUALE: Whatta you think Rosa is? (quickly) Don’t answer that! Luigi, why you donna go out witha Rosa?
LUIGI: She’s-a too fat…
PASQUALE: Fat, fat-a, fat! Everytime we talk abouta Rosa, thatsa all you canna say…
LUIGI: Thatsa all I canna see…
PASQUALE: You wanna go out witha girl thatsa skinny, like a toothpick? You go outta with Rosie you gotta nice armaful…
LUIGI: I’m-a go out witha Rosa, I gotta nice roomaful…

Pasquale, who only purpose in life is to get the reluctant Luigi up the aisle and manacled to the more-than-amply proportioned Rosa (Jody Gilbert), volunteers to set up the date between Luigi and Mathilda. Since the restaurateur has the same scruples as one George “Kingfish” Stevens of Amos ‘n’ Andy fame, he tells Mathilda that Luigi wants to take her dancing instead. Luigi discovers this subterfuge only a few hours before the date, so Schultz suggests that he take a dance lesson at Arthur Murray. Armed with a few pointers, he accompanies Mathilda to the dance—but finds himself way in over his head when the band strikes up a jazzy jive number, and the girl takes Luigi out on the dance floor for some wild jitterbugging.

Now, in every episode of Life With Luigi—usually when Luigi was heartbroken or at the end of his rope—Pasquale would attempt to right things by calling for daughter Rosa: “Oh Rooosssa…Rooosssa…ROSA!” This would be Rosa’s cue to come a-running, greeting Luigi with a squeaky giggle: “Hello Luigi!” But the writers of this episode had a little fun with this weekly convention:

PASQUALE: Heh heh heh…where-a you think? I’m-a gotta just the girl…she also happens to be passin’-a by…
ROSA: Papa, you want me?
PASQUALE: Not-a yet! Wait ‘til I calla you… (calls) Rooosssa…
ROSA: Now?
PASQUALE: No! (again) Rooosssa…
ROSA: Now?
PASQUALE: No! Canna you play hard to get? (third time) ROSA!
ROSA: Yes, Papa?
PASQUALE: Rosa—say ‘allo to Luigi…
ROSA: Hello Luigi!
LUIGI (resigned to his fate): Hello, Rosa…

The second show, from November 29, 1949, shakes up this running gag also, with hilarious results. Luigi is out collecting money in the neighborhood for funds to build a recreation center. Pasquale, who’s the wealthiest man in that particular borough, is the lone holdout; he’s bitter because all his life he’s had to work, scrimp and save—so why should he kick in when no one’s ever done him a good turn?

So Luigi extracts a promise from his friend—if someone performs Pasquale a kind favor, Pasquale has to contribute to the fund. Luigi and his night-school class chums—Schultz, Olsen (Ken Peters), Horowitz (Joe Forte) and teacher Miss Spaulding (Mary Shipp)—all pool their money in order to allow Luigi to buy Pasquale a Mario Lanza record. It just so happens that Lanza is making a personal appearance in the store on the day Luigi makes his purchase, and in procuring an autograph, he tells the actor-singer the story about Pasquale. Lanza promises to pay a visit to Pasquale’s Spaghetti Palace, and although there’s a temporary mix-up, communication-wise, Lanza keeps his appointment and Pasquale is touched—and how, he's talked into ponying up two hundred dollars for the rec center fund. Pasquale’s scheming brain then starts a-turnin’ as he realizes that Lanza would make a better son-in-law than Luigi (“Rooosssa…”) and when Rosa makes her entrance, Lanza responds in the same dejected way as Luigi.

My favorite thing about Life With Luigi is the Pasquale character; Alan Reed (the future voice of Fred Flintstone) really seems to be having a ball playing this delightful comic villain who occasionally allows listeners a glimpse (can that be done on radio?) into his fairly-concealed heart of gold. This broadcast also features a cameo at the end by Gracie Allen, who approaches announcer Bob Stevenson (Gracie assumes he’s the one who wrote Treasure Island) and asks if her husband, “Sugar Throat” Burns, can sing on the program. This interesting ploy to promote their recent move to CBS can also be heard on the December 1, 1949 episode of Suspense (“Mission Completed,” with Jimmy Stewart) and the November 26, 1949 episode of The Adventures of Philip Marlowe (“The Birds on the Wing”).