“That’s what I like about the South…”

I’m sure it hasn’t gone by without casual notice that in most of my write-ups on the Ultimate Jack Benny Collection CDs, I kind of gravitate toward the jokes involving Phil Harris and/or his musicians. I fully confess my bias here; I think Harris was an incredible talent—his timing was peerless, often matching that of his celebrated “boss,” Jack Benny, and though his character of a flashy, egotistical, hard-drinking playboy would no doubt be intolerable in real life, he infused it with a certain charm and lovability.

Phil received a spin-off in 1946 with The Fitch Bandwagon, and for two years—starring with his actress-singer wife, Alice Faye—it followed The Jack Benny Program and was a monster hit. In the fall of 1948, the program was retitled The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show (sponsored by Rexall Drugs), but soon its largess of following Benny would dissipate—Jack moved to CBS in January 1949, and Harris & Faye found themselves competing in a time slot against Amos ‘n’ Andy. Fortunately, the show managed to stick around until 1954, and it stands out today as one of the all-time great sitcoms—with superb supporting talent and a wisecracking, sarcastic sensibility about it that makes it very accessible to modern-day audiences.

The only problem with Harris’ show is that the qualities he so flagrantly flaunted on the Benny program were sort of toned down on his own series; since he was married with children, I guess the decision was made that the Harris of Jack Benny Show fame probably should be made a better role model. Again, a solution to this came in the form of introducing Frankie Remley, Phil’s left-handed guitarist in his band, to the proceedings. Frank Remley was an actual member of Harris’ group, and though he was often referred to and joked about on Benny’s program, his fictional exploits were acted out on a weekly basis by radio’s Renaissance man himself, Elliott Lewis.

I listened to a couple of shows last night, the first from January 16, 1949. Phil is upset that the Benny Goodman and Guy Lombardo bands have been invited to play at Truman’s inaugural ball—and he’s been left out:

ALICE: Phil, maybe the President doesn’t like the way your musicians play…
PHIL: And what’s wrong with the way my musicians play?
ALICE: Well, first of all…sit down, Father—this is going to take a little time…you see, in the first place…
PHIL: Never mind, never mind…there ain’t nothin’ wrong with my band…my boys are good musicians and they’re a fine, representative group…
ALICE: Yes—but what do they represent? I don’t think they’d fit in with the surroundings of the President’s ball…they’re the strangest-looking group I’ve ever seen…
PHIL: What are you talkin’ about? They’re a fine-lookin’ bunch of men, and terrific musicians…when I formed my band, I imported my boys from all over the world…
ALICE: I know, I know…Frank Buck brought back four of them…
PHIL: That is a base canard…those guys would be right at home in Washington…I bet you wouldn’t be able to tell ‘em from the diplomats…
ALICE: Phil, this is going to be a formal affair, and your boys would have to dress…
PHIL: They’d be willin’ to dress…
ALICE: Do they have tails?
PHIL: A few of ‘em have, but if they wear long trousers (audience laughter and applause drowns him out, he then ad-libs) I wanted to stop there…I wanted to stop…

Some of the ad-libbing on the Harris-Faye show could be both funny and wild; earlier on Alice mispronounces “Indonesia” as “Indonosia,” prompting Phil to suggest that the two of them switch parts. Meanwhile, Phil’s feeling pretty dejected at being left out, and when Frankie comes by, he suggests that Phil call the White House and sweet-talk his way into being invited. Frankie also comes up with the brainstorm that Phil pose as a “nuclear physicist” who’s working on an “atomic bomb”—which leads to a call from an FBI agent (played by Frank Lovejoy, who intones “This is your FBI…”). Phil’s nemesis, grocery boy Julius Abbruzio (Walter Tetley), torments Phil by talking on the extension and calling him “comrade” and Lovejoy a “Cossack.”

At the end of this broadcast, Harris breaks in with the news from a “telegram” that invited him, Alice and the band to play at the inaugural ball—and from the way Phil announces it, he’s pretty convincing in conveying that it’s all spontaneous. However, I learned sometime back via a phone conversation with Terry Salomonson that there was nothing spontaneous about it—Terry has the Harris-Faye show scripts, and the announcement is right there in black-and-white. (Terry is currently at work on restoring all of the Harris-Faye shows, having obtained the transcriptions from their estate some time ago.)

The second show is from the following week (January 23), and features Phil and the family in Washington, D.C.:

PHIL: What do you kids mean, you ain’t excited? This is a great honor! It ain’t everybody that gets invited to the President’s inaugereal…
ALICE: Phil…Phil, the word is inaugural…
PHIL: I’m usin’ the past imperfect gender…no, you kids oughta be thrilled about visiting the capital of the United States…
LITTLE ALICE: Why?
PHIL: Why? Why, Washington is famous for its historical landmarks…where else can you see the Smithsonian Institute, the White House, the Lincoln Memorial, Grant’s Tomb and the George Washington Bridge?
ALICE: Not to mention the Sphinx and the Eiffel Tower…
PHIL: Honey, look—you’re confused…please…them are the places we saw in London…now, let me educate the children and you keep working on “Indonosia”…

As a member of the band, Frankie has come along for the ride—but he’s upset and jealous of the fact that he won’t be allowed to attend the inaugural ball. He manages to sabotage Phil’s dress suit and so the two of them decide to sneak into Phil’s brother-in-law Willie’s room to steal his:

FRANKIE: Hey, Curly—are you sure this is Willie’s room?
PHIL: Certainly, can’t you tell? He would have it locked…
FRANKIE: I feel awful silly climbing in through the transom…
PHIL: Get up there…and quiet!!! Quiet, now…all right, all together let’s…jump down into the room…
FRANKIE: Here we go…
(SFX: bodies drop to floor)
FRED: Well, what these Republicans won’t do to get a room in Washington…
PHIL: Hey, it’s Fred Allen!
(Audience applause)
FRED: Well, if it isn’t Phil “Don’t put an olive in it, it soaks up the good stuff” Harris…Phil, what is the idea of coming into my room through the transom?
PHIL: Well, I’m sorry, Fred…
FRED: …I don’t mind you being a little high, but this is ridiculous…tell me, Phil—what are you doing in Washington?
PHIL: I was invited to the inaugereal ball…
FRED: Oh…the inaugereal ball, huh…an “r” left over from the oyster season? Tell me, how are things in California, Phil?
PHIL: Ah, they’re great, Fred, great…hey! That reminds me, the old man sent his regards…
FRED: The, uh, old man???
PHIL: Yeah…Jackson…you know, Jack Benny!
FRED: Oh—is he still alive? Oh, that’s right…of course, he is…I remember reading about the new business he started during the snowstorm out in Beverly Hills…
PHIL: What business?
FRED: Well, Benny was putting butter on snowballs and selling for oranges out there…
PHIL (laughing) Hey, that’s terrific, Fred…you’ve got a sensational sense of humor…
FRED: You think so really?
PHIL: …hasn’t he, Frankie?
FRANKIE: I can take him or leave him…
FRED: Phil…Phil, who is this Good Humor man with the pistachio expression?
PHIL: Well, Fred—don’t you know who this is?
FRED: No, but there are only two kinds of people who look like that, Phil…those with sour stomachs and sponsors…
PHIL: No, no, no, Fred—this is Frankie Remley…
FRED: Oh…how are ya, Frankie?
FRANKIE: Oh, I’m all right—but what’s the matter with you?
FRED: Well…nothing’s the matter with me…why?
FRANKIE: Are those bags under your eyes or are you breaking in a saddle for Roy Rogers?

If you’re wondering, “Gee, Iv—is this one of your favorite Harris-Faye shows because it features your comedy hero, Fred Allen?” then you’re definitely no stranger to this blog. Sadly, five months later Allen would throw in the towel on his own show—leaving a definite void in radio comedy.