“On the air for Frigidaire!”

I have a teensy confession to make regarding my fondness for Lum & Abner, the comedy serial that ignited my lifelong interest and passion for old-time radio. In my early collecting days, I was a tad more partial to the half-hour version of Chester Lauck and Norris Goff’s series, which ran on CBS Radio from October 3, 1948 to April 26, 1950. I have, of course, seen the error of my ways—but I still enjoy listening to the half-hours every now and then. Many comedy purists often question the need for programs to have an audience; if something is funny, you shouldn’t have to have a group of people reminding you it’s so, they say. I’m of a different mind on that; audience laughter is sort of an extra, like a spice you would add to a dish that gives it a little extra zest.

Last night at work—and it’s been pretty slow at the motel lately, you can almost see tumbleweeds rolling through the lobby—I previewed a couple of Lum & Abner half-hour shows from 1949, when the show was sponsored by Frigidaire. The first, from January 16, finds the boys from Pine Ridge making preparations to attend the inauguration of President Harry S Truman. I’m sure that many are aware that the 1948 election was a memorable nail-biter, particularly since many newspapers called the race in favor of his Republican opponent, Thomas Dewey; afterwards, many of the comedy shows had a field day with the whole “Dewey Beats Truman” blunder:

LUM: Aye grannies, Abner—you won’t b’lieve this but looky here—we got a letter from the President…
ABNER: Don’t tell me we’ve been drafted…
LUM: No! We’ve been invited to Washington to attend the inauguration…
ABNER: Well! (laughs)
LUM: Ain’t that somethin’?
ABNER (still laughing) Yeah… (pause) what is inauguration?
LUM: Why, that’s the big event where every four years they swear in a Democratic president…
ABNER: Yes...er, recollect when they used to have them…um…what’d they call ‘em…uh, Republicans?
LUM: No…I don’t—‘course, you’re older than I am…well, come on…we’d better start gettin’ packed up here…
ABNER: Yeah, well, Lum…don’t you think we oughta drop Mr. Truman a postcard and let him know we’re comin’? Otherwise, he might not be expectin’ to see us at this inauguration…
LUM: Oh, that’s all right—there’s a lot of folks that never expected to see him at this inauguration…

In real life, both Lauck and Goff were invited to be on a program celebrating Truman’s victory, so writers Roswell Rogers and Betty Boyle obviously took advantage of that and used it as the basis for this episode. (The writers of The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show also followed suit, but that's for a later post.) It’s an amusing entry, though the topical jokes are a little dated, as is usually their wont. The second show I listened to, from the following week (01/23/49), is even better—Lum learns from his horoscope (he’s a “Capricorn goat”) that today is going to be his “favorable day”; he’s guaranteed success in both matters of the heart and business. Ben Withers (Clarence Hartzell) is out to put the kibosh on the matters of the heart part, though—he goes over to Miz Rowena’s (Lum’s girlfriend) to spark a little, and brings along a gift he got from Charlie Redfield: a huge beast of a lap dog that its previous owner was only too happy to get rid of. Lum and Abner sneak over to Rowena’s to spy on Ben, but Ben has left by the time they get there—so they decide to eavesdrop on a conversation between Miz Rowena (Verna Felton) and her cousin, Ezra Seestrunk (Cliff Arquette):

ROWENA: Now, now, now Ezra…don’t get so upset…Mr. Withers isn’t so terrible…he’s just…um…shall we say, quaint…?
ABNER: Yes, let’s…
LUM: Shh!!! Abner…
EZRA: Oh, Ben don’t bother me…I’m used to him…but, by Jiminey—you got to get rid of that other thing…that there seedy lookin’ varmint…
ABNER: Hey, Lum…he’s talkin’ ‘bout you!
ROWENA: But you can’t hold his looks against him…anything as old as he is is bound to look seedy…
LUM: Huh?
EZRA: I tell ya, Roweny…I hain’t gonna have him hangin’ ‘round this here place…clumsy critter…can’t walk through the house without a-breakin’ everything in it…
LUM: Oh, I busted a little bitty ol’ vase once…
ROWENA: Well, I don’t know about that…but I can’t stand the way he sits and stares at me…with that stupid look…
ABNER (to himself): I know what she means…
ROWENA: …with his tongue hanging out…
ABNER: Do you do that, Lum?
LUM: I most certainly do not!
EZRA: Well, if you don’t get rid of him, I will! I’ll take him out and drown him!
ROWENA: Ezra! What a horrible thought!
LUM: Yeah, ain’t it!
ROWENA: I won’t let you do that…
LUM: Good!
ROWENA: …there must be some easier way…
LUM: Oh…
ROWENA: Oh, I know…perhaps we could keep him and teach him some tricks…
EZRA: You cain’t teach an old dog new tricks…
LUM: I ain’t so old…
ROWENA: He might bring in the newspapers, go get the mail…
ABNER: Yeah, Lum—you could learn that if you put your head to it…
EZRA: Eh…I doubt if that dumb critter could learn anything…
ABNER (to Lum): Ezra ain’t your biggest booster, is he?
ROWENA: Well, maybe we should get rid of him…you know, sometimes the way he looks at me, I…well, I’m afraid he might bite…
ABNER: What with???
ROWENA: You know, Ezra…I think he’s part wolf…
LUM: Now there’s the first nice thing she’s said about me…
EZRA: I tell you right now, I hain’t gonna have him around! I’ll pi-zen him, or shoot him or somethin’…
ROWENA: Oh now, Ezra…
EZRA: …well, we gotta get shut of him…
ROWENA: …oh, yes…I guess you’re right…
EZRA: Say, uh…I wonder if Miz Peabody would want him?
ABNER (riled): Now wait just a minute!

Of course, Rowena and Ezra are referring to the mutt that Ben has saddled them with, but Lum & Abner are unaware of this—and when Rowena invites Lum to dinner (Abner is trapped into going along, too), the misunderstandings build until finally reaching a comic crescendo. I wouldn’t hesitate to submit this show as evidence to anyone who still believes that the thirty-minute Lum & Abner isn’t worthy of a listen.