Benny and announcer Don Wilson had a long history of ribbing the
show’s sponsor, and the Quartet was hired to perform singing commercials for
Jack’s benefactor, Lucky Strike. Benny fans are no doubt aware that the
American Tobacco Company’s spots had a tendency to be loud, repetitive and
obnoxious, so the introduction of the Sportsmen in a series of commercials
(often musical parodies like Shortnin’ Bread and Slow Boat to China)
added a dose of much-needed levity to the Jack Benny Program broadcasts. They also became part of a
continuing story arc on the program, as Jack would become increasingly
exasperated (“Wait a minute…wait a minute…wait a minute…wait a minute!!!”)
with them, lending itself to a sort of mock “feud.” Later, Jack would fire the
group—one hilarious broadcast (March 16, 1947) has him trying to hire a “new”
quartet which consists of the show’s tenor vocalist, Dennis Day, and guest
stars Andy Russell, Dick Haymes and Bing Crosby.
For the record, the Sportsmen consisted of five members, only they
rotated from week-to-week. They were Marty Spurzel, Bill Days, Max Smith, John
Rorig and Thurl Ravenscroft—Ravenscroft achieved a little immortality of his
own as the voice of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes mascot Tony the Tiger. According
to the show’s producer, Hilliard Marks, “I thought I had allowed enough times
for laughs, but I had not anticipated the prolonged reaction [that] the Quartet
received from the studio audience.” This is indeed so, as the program is cut
off in the middle of a closing routine with Jack and NBC telephone operator
Mabel (Sara Berner).
Another running gag introduced on this broadcast is the news that cast
members Phil Harris and Dennis Day have landed their own spin-off shows:
DON: Say, Mary…Mary, are you glad to be back on the program again?
MARY: I sure am…
JACK: I am, too—but you know, Mary, I must admit I’m a little nervous about the opening show…
MARY: Jack, if you think you’re nervous, what about Phil Harris? He has two opening shows today…
JACK: Well, as a rule I’m not… (long pause) what? What did you say?
MARY: Phil has two opening shows, yours and The Fitch Bandwagon…he has his own program…
JACK: Phil has his own program? Gee, I didn’t know that…hmm…that’s gratitude for you…the least he could have done is let me know…could have dropped me a postcard…
MARY: Called you up…
JACK: No, my phone’s disconnected during the summer…hmm…his own program…Phil…gosh, Mary—what can Phil do for a full half-hour?
MARY: I don’t know, but if he adds two more choruses to “That’s What I Like About the South,” he’s in…
JACK: I can’t get over it…so Phil has his own program…
MARY: Do you mind?
JACK: Of course not…I like to see people get ahead…I want everyone to be a success…in fact, I’d even like to see Dennis Day get his own show…
MARY: He has…
JACK (exploding): What??? Mary, did I hear you correctly?
MARY: If that thing in your ear is connected, you did…
MARY: I sure am…
JACK: I am, too—but you know, Mary, I must admit I’m a little nervous about the opening show…
MARY: Jack, if you think you’re nervous, what about Phil Harris? He has two opening shows today…
JACK: Well, as a rule I’m not… (long pause) what? What did you say?
MARY: Phil has two opening shows, yours and The Fitch Bandwagon…he has his own program…
JACK: Phil has his own program? Gee, I didn’t know that…hmm…that’s gratitude for you…the least he could have done is let me know…could have dropped me a postcard…
MARY: Called you up…
JACK: No, my phone’s disconnected during the summer…hmm…his own program…Phil…gosh, Mary—what can Phil do for a full half-hour?
MARY: I don’t know, but if he adds two more choruses to “That’s What I Like About the South,” he’s in…
JACK: I can’t get over it…so Phil has his own program…
MARY: Do you mind?
JACK: Of course not…I like to see people get ahead…I want everyone to be a success…in fact, I’d even like to see Dennis Day get his own show…
MARY: He has…
JACK (exploding): What??? Mary, did I hear you correctly?
MARY: If that thing in your ear is connected, you did…
Jack’s radio persona suggests forest green envy at both Harris and
Day’s solo efforts, but the truth is that he was strongly supportive,
particularly in the case of Harris’ The
Fitch Bandwagon (which became The
Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show under sponsor Rexall Drugs in 1948). Phil’s
program followed the Benny show at 7:30pm on Sunday nights, and so in order to
allow Harris to “warm up” for his own show Jack instructed his writers to
feature Phil only in the first half of his show.
PHIL: Hiya Jackson! Hello, folks—don’t feel low…you’ll soon hear Harris
on his very own show! And hallelujah! (as the audience applauds) Lay that
beautiful launch program applause on me…make me know it, make me know it…
JACK: Phil! Phil, Mary told me all about it…and I’d like to have a little talk with you about your own show…
PHIL: Sorry, Jack…I ain’t usin’ no stooges…
JACK: I don’t want to talk to you about that…yet…I only want to know one thing…you’ve been with me for nine years…why did you go out and take another show?
PHIL (in the style of the “L.S.M.F.T.” chant): M-O…N-E-Y…M-O…N-E-Y…
JACK: So that’s why, eh…well, that’s the trouble with you, Phil—all you think about is money…women and money…
PHIL: Well, I don’t know of a better parlay—do you, Bub?
JACK: Phil! Phil, Mary told me all about it…and I’d like to have a little talk with you about your own show…
PHIL: Sorry, Jack…I ain’t usin’ no stooges…
JACK: I don’t want to talk to you about that…yet…I only want to know one thing…you’ve been with me for nine years…why did you go out and take another show?
PHIL (in the style of the “L.S.M.F.T.” chant): M-O…N-E-Y…M-O…N-E-Y…
JACK: So that’s why, eh…well, that’s the trouble with you, Phil—all you think about is money…women and money…
PHIL: Well, I don’t know of a better parlay—do you, Bub?
Dennis arrives late for the program (it is explained that he’s
rehearsing for his new Thursday night show for Colgate), and so Jack reads him
a similar riot act:
JACK: Listen, Dennis—there’s something I want to talk to you about…why
did you go out and get your own program without consulting me?
DENNIS: Well…
JACK: …and after I’ve done for you…I found you when you were just a kid…I groomed you for radio…I gave you your big chance…I let you sing on the air, every Sunday…I’ve been doing this for you kid, for—for eight years…now why did you go out and take another show?
DENNIS: I was hungry…
DENNIS: Well…
JACK: …and after I’ve done for you…I found you when you were just a kid…I groomed you for radio…I gave you your big chance…I let you sing on the air, every Sunday…I’ve been doing this for you kid, for—for eight years…now why did you go out and take another show?
DENNIS: I was hungry…
On later broadcasts—if time permitted—Benny would plug both Harris and
Day’s programs, though after Jack moved to CBS in January 1949 he was strangely
silent on the Harris-Faye show while continuing to promote A Day in the Life of Dennis Day.
This could be due to the fact that while Benny was now on CBS, Phil and Alice
remained at NBC—and CBS probably wasn’t too enthused at the thought of
listeners switching over after Jack’s program, particularly since the popular Amos ‘n’ Andy followed at 7:30pm.
JACK: Fine season I’m gonna have…Phil’s got his own show, Dennis
has his own show…I don’t know why they had to go out and get their own
programs, anyway…
MARY: But, Jack—what are you so mad at them for? Don Wilson has four shows, and you’re not mad at him…
JACK: He pays me commission…
MARY: But, Jack—what are you so mad at them for? Don Wilson has four shows, and you’re not mad at him…
JACK: He pays me commission…
The second show I previewed, originally heard over NBC Radio October
20, 1946, showcases a hilarious spoof of the hit radio mystery radio program The Whistler. I’ve often marveled at
how a program that was broadcast for West Coast listeners managed to achieve
both notoriety and appeal nationwide as well. For example, Columbia Pictures
produced a series of eight B-noirs based on the show from 1944-48, all save the
last entry starring Richard Dix. Famed horror director-producer William Castle
worked on these movies (The Whistler,
The Mark of the Whistler)
earlier in his career; some would argue (like myself) that they represent some
of his best work.
But what makes the October 20 broadcast interesting is the
participation of the real Whistler, actor-announcer Bill Forman. Benny
scribe George Balzer explains:
I was chosen to play the role since I could do the whistle. Right before
the broadcast, I ran into [Whistler
star] Bill Forman in the hallway, and suggested to Jack that we hire radio’s real
Whistler to do his famous opening on our show, since Forman was willing to do
the part for scale and it wouldn’t cost any more than having me do it. We
didn’t know that Forman didn’t do the whistling himself on his show, so I ended
up doing the Whistler anyway and Jack had to pay both of us.
Jack and the gang do a splendid job with the spoof, retitled “The
Fiddler” (Jack: “I am the Fiddler…I play by night…they won’t let me play in the
daytime…”). Mary and Dennis play Gwendolyn and Griffith Park (groan), a married
couple whose relationship will soon be shattered since Gwen is fooling around
with Griffith’s pal Kilroy (played by Phil):
MARY: Gee, Kilroy—you and I could be so happy together…if it
wasn’t for my husband…
JACK (filter mike): Ah, now you’re on the right track…well…go ahead, why don’t you kill your husband!!!
MARY: Kilroy! I just got an idea!
PHIL: So did I!
BOTH: Let’s kill Griffith!
MARY: It must be love, we said it together…
JACK (filter mike): That’s it! That’s it! Now we’re getting somewhere…go ahead…go ahead, kill him!
PHIL: Gwendolyn…I know just how to kill your husband…we’ll take him down to Union Station and throw him under the wheels of a passing train…
MARY: But at Union Station, all those people will see us!
PHIL: So what? They’ll think it’s a stunt for Truth or Consequences!
JACK (filter mike): Sure…you can get away with it…and you’ll get a box of Duz besides…
JACK (filter mike): Ah, now you’re on the right track…well…go ahead, why don’t you kill your husband!!!
MARY: Kilroy! I just got an idea!
PHIL: So did I!
BOTH: Let’s kill Griffith!
MARY: It must be love, we said it together…
JACK (filter mike): That’s it! That’s it! Now we’re getting somewhere…go ahead…go ahead, kill him!
PHIL: Gwendolyn…I know just how to kill your husband…we’ll take him down to Union Station and throw him under the wheels of a passing train…
MARY: But at Union Station, all those people will see us!
PHIL: So what? They’ll think it’s a stunt for Truth or Consequences!
JACK (filter mike): Sure…you can get away with it…and you’ll get a box of Duz besides…
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