“T’aint funny, McGee…”

Quite the contrary—I find Fibber McGee & Molly very funny; it’s the OTR equivalent of what people call “non-think entertainment.” (The word from Radio Spirits’ “Texas” Tony Tollin is that RS has a “Best of Fibber & Molly” collection in the works.) Some of the jokes are sort of mired in a kind of vaudeville corniness, but I’m a huge admirer of creator-writer Don Quinn’s daffy and hilarious wordplay. Quinn had been working for the show’s stars Jim and Marian Jordan ever since their early days at Chicago’s WENR, and he continued with the program until 1951, when his writing partner Phil Leslie (who had joined the show in 1943) took over, joined by former Burns & Allen scribe Keith Fowler. (Fowler’s colleague on George & Gracie’s program, Paul Henning, had also enjoyed a brief tutelage under Quinn, albeit an uncredited one.) Quinn later enjoyed a second radio comedy success with The Halls of Ivy, starring Ronald and Benita Colman.

I listened to pair of broadcasts in the wee a.m. hours, the first originally heard over NBC Radio on March 18, 1941. Fibber and Molly are waiting on the postman, expecting some magazines—and the mail carrier, Mr. Bagworthy, is played by Gale Gordon, who is best known for his portrayal of Mayor La Trivia on the show:

BAGWORTHY: Morning, folks!
MOLLY: Good morning, Mr. Bagworthy! Did you bring our magazines?
BAGWORTHY: Nope! Just a letter for Mr. McGee…from the government…
FIBBER: Oh, the government, eh? I guess they’re thankin’ me for bein’ so prompt about my income tax (laughs) ah, there’s nobody like our ol’ Uncle Sam, is there?
BAGWORTHY: You’ll soon know…nephew…
(SFX: door closes)
MOLLY: Say, what’d he mean by that?
FIBBER: Search me, but…he better learn to keep a civil service tongue in his cheek…
MOLLY: Dear…and I was counting on getting this month’s fashion…
FIBBER: Yeah, my detective magazine is two weeks past (his voice trails off as he opens the letter and reads it) well, I’ll be…hey! Molly! Look! I’m drafted!
MOLLY: Say…don’t be silly, you’re over age…
FIBBER: So was Frank Knox, but they made him Secretary of the Navy, didn’t they?
MOLLY: I suppose you’re going to be Secretary of the Army…
FIBBER: No, I’d be satisfied to be secretary of Frank Knox…

(snip)

MOLLY: McGee…tell me this…this is all a joke!
FIBBER: Why…why, Molly…you…you mean you don’t want me to go?
MOLLY: Well, if they want you and need you, of course I want you to go, but…it seems so ridiculous, a man of your age…
FIBBER (upset): Whaddya mean, a man of my age? Why, I’m in marvelous physical shape…I’m in the prime of things…anyway, it’s my brains and experience they want—not my gorgeous figure…
MOLLY: Yeah, but your eyesight is bad, dearie…
FIBBER: Good enough…
MOLLY: How’d you pass the test for vision?
FIBBER: Shucks—I’ve had that optical chart memorized since the last war…
MOLLY: Yeah—but you have flat feet, too…
FIBBER: So what? An army travels on its stomach—and you’ll admit, I’ve got a stomach…

Most of the "usual suspects" in Wistful Vista—Mrs. Uppington (Abigail Randolph), the Old Timer (Bill Thompson), Gildersleeve (Harold Peary) and announcer Harlow Wilcox—are equally as skeptical as Molly regarding Fibber’s “induction,” and of course, it all turns out to be a simple misunderstanding. The second broadcast, from March 30, 1948, has our hero Fibber coming up with a brainstorm of an idea:

FIBBER: We haven’t took a trip for some time…whaddya say we take a trip for ourselves?
MOLLY: Why—wonderful, dearie, I love to travel! Where do we go? New York? Chicago? Mexico City? Where?
FIBBER: Downtown…
MOLLY: What do you mean?
FIBBER: Downtown…stay all night…I thought it might be kinda fun to pack our grips, check in at the Wistful Vista Plaza…have dinner, go to a movie—maybe even dance a little…and stay downtown…overnight…
MOLLY: Well, McGee—that does sound like fun at that!
FIBBER: Certainly! What do you say, snooky—is it a date?
MOLLY: You, uh…you haven’t asked anybody else?
FIBBER: Nope, nope…I’ve decided to go steady with you now…

No sooner have they made their plans but the doorbell rings, and Wallace Wimple—my favorite of the Fibber McGee & Molly characters—makes an appearance:

MOLLY: Do come in and sit down for a few seconds, Mr. Wimple, and chat…
FIBBER; Sorry we haven’t got time for more than that, Wimp…packin’ up for a little trip…change of scenery, new places, new faces…guy can’t let himself get stale, you know…
WIMPLE: Oh, you’re so right, Mr. McGee…I remember one time Sweetyface…
MOLLY: Who, Mr. Wimple?
WIMPLE: Sweetyface…that’s my big ol’ wife…
FIBBER: Oh…oh yes…
WIMPLE: I remember one time Sweetyface wanted to take a little trip…”Wallace!” she said, “where do you think I ought to go?” (giggling uncontrollably) The things that flash through my mind…I was really ashamed of myself…
FIBBER: What did you finally suggest?
WIMPLE: Well, I finally said, “Well, Sweetyface—it depends on what you want…if it’s rest and relaxation, why not buy a raft and try floating to Hong Kong? Or if you want excitement, you might try going over Niagara Falls in a peach basket…” I thought she’d be flattered when I said “peach basket” but she wasn’t…
MOLLY: That’s strange…
WIMPLE: But I must say that we took one trip together that I thought was grand fun…
FIBBER: Where was that, Wimp?
WIMPLE: Out to the airport…
FIBBER: Oh…
WIMPLE: We were supposed to fly to Bermuda, but somehow our tickets got mixed up and I went to Vancouver and she went to Egypt…
MOLLY: Well, heavenly days! How do you suppose the tickets got mixed up like that?
WIMPLE (again, with a mischievous giggle): Oh, it isn’t too difficult when you know the right people…

Fibber’s reserved a swanky room for himself and the missus, but for reasons unknown he’s packed two suitcases and won’t let anyone go near them (the explanation for this is pretty funny at the show’s end). Included in this broadcast is a visit from weatherman Foggy Williams (Gordon), and the McGees also encounter The Old Timer (working as a hotel bellhop), Doc Gamble (Arthur Q. Bryan) and Wilcox at the Wistful Vista Plaza. Wilcox does a Johnson’s Wax commercial with Walter Tetley (Leroy on the McGee spinoff The Great Gildersleeve), who plays a pageboy (Fibber: “If that kid is a page, he must be folded.”). Harlow eventually comes clean and reveals that the page is his nephew, “Smallfry” Wilcox.