Old Home Week in Summerfield

One of the delights of Radio Spirits’ Radio’s Greatest Sitcoms collection is a Great Gildersleeve CD containing two essential programs: the premiere episode, when Gildy arrives in Summerfield, and a show in which Gildy’s former Wistful Vista neighbors, Fibber & Molly McGee, pay a visit. I listened to both of these earlier this morning and was completely and thoroughly entertained.

The inaugural Gildersleeve broadcast of August 31, 1941 uses the same script as the May 14, 1941 audition (for Johnson’s Wax), albeit with a few changes and deletions. Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve (Harold Peary), owner and operator of the Gildersleeve Girdle Works (“If you want the best of corsets, of course it’s Gildersleeve”), leaves his Wistful Vista home and travels to nearby Summerfield in order to take charge of the Forrester estate—his charges being niece Marjorie (Lurene Tuttle) and nephew Leroy (Walter Tetley). On the train, he encounters the individual who soon become his rival and nemesis, Judge Horace Hooker:

GILDY: Ah…pretty crowded in this diner…by George, I’m so hungry I could eat the…waiter!
WAITER: Yes, sir?
GILDY: Is it all right if I sit at this table?
WAITER: Yes, sir…sit right down, sir…
GILDY: If this gentleman doesn’t mind reading his paper on his own side…I said, if this gentleman doesn’t mind reading his paper on his own side…
WAITER: Excuse me, sir…does you mind?
HOOKER: Yes, I do! I’m particular whom I eat with…
GILDY: (Gildy laugh) You are, eh? Well, I’m not—I’m hungry…waiter, bring me a steak—a nice, juicy double tenderloin rare…
HOOKER: Waiter, where’s my milquetoast? I ordered it fifteen minutes ago…
WAITER: I’m sorry, sir, but milquetoast takes time, you know…
GILDY: …and waiter, I want a big, heaping plate of French fries…
WAITER: Yes, French fries…
GILDY: …and a cup of strong coffee, with lots of cream…
WAITER: I’ll get it right away, sir…
HOOKER: …and bring me my milquetoast—made with gluten bread, remember…
GILDY: Oomph…bread…that reminds me…some hot biscuits, and a little pot of jam…
HOOKER: Gluten bread, toasted…and a cup of hot water…
GILDY: …and an apple pie a la mode, with cheese…
HOOKER: I can’t stand this! Listening to you is giving me heartburn!
GILDY: (Gildy laugh) It is, huh? Oh, waiter! Don’t forget the steak sauce…piccalilli…and relish…
HOOKER: Bring me a glass of bicarbonate of soda, quick!

(snip)

HOOKER: I’ll thank you to mind your own business!
GILDY: What’s the big idea of jumping down my throat???
HOOKER: What do you expect, addressing a perfect stranger?
GILDY (seething): You’re far from perfect, stranger…and from now on, I’m going to make a career out of ignoring you…

The insults soon begin to fly: Hooker labels Gildy a “big buffalo” and “overstuffed ox” while the Great Man counters with calling the jurist a “dyspeptic little dodo” and “dried-up little crabapple.” Later, Gildy is forced to nestle his ample frame in an upper berth (“The last time I was in an upper berth was…let me see…fifty pounds ago.”), with Hooker as his downstairs neighbor. The judge’s snoring keeps Gildy wide awake, and he quickly takes care of the cacophony by drenching him with a glass of ice water. Having arrived in Summerfield, Gildy gets reacquainted with Leroy and Marjorie—who’s kept Gildersleeve’s line of work a secret from her brother, or so she thinks. Leroy has gotten hold of a company letterhead, only he’s misread it as “The Gildersleeve Girder Works”:

LEROY: Hey, Unk...will you take me back to Wistful Vista with ya and let me work in your factory?
GILDY: Uh…what? Well, I didn’t think you’d be interested in that sort of thing…
MARJORIE: Now, Leroy…
LEROY: Gee I am, Uncle Mort—that must be some layout…I’ll bet you make the supports for a lot of big projects there…
GILDY: Uh…eh…oh…we don’t turn out anything much like…uh…we sort of confine ourselves to…uh…foundations…heh…yes…
LEROY: Say…I’d like to go along sometime when you install those foundations…

Marjorie explains to her uncle about Leroy’s mix-up, and during breakfast he regales his relations and their attorney (Frank Nelson) of the experience he had with the gentleman on the train. Naturally, when it’s time to appear in the court—who should preside over the legal proceedings but Judge Hooker? Gildy makes a valiant attempt to get in good with his new-found enemy but fails miserably (Leroy isn’t much help, either); Hooker will grant the petition only if Gildersleeve reports to him every week, obtains an okay for every nickel spent, and posts a bond of $50,000 cash.

Gildy pleads with Hooker to lower the bond, but the judge remains firm. So Gildy hits upon the idea of calling home and having the president of the Wistful Vista Chamber of Commerce vouch for his impeccable character—said president being none other than Fibber McGee of 79 Wistful Vista. After a pleasant chat with Fibber, Hooker rescinds the bond order and demands that Gildersleeve post a bond of $100,000. Sputtering, Gildy grabs the phone receiver and utters his famous Fibber McGee & Molly catchphrase, “You’re a harrrrrrrd man, McGee…” It’s a classic episode (and hysterical to boot), giving the new program a proper send-off. My only quibble is that quality control allowed this one to be recorded off-speed like the Father Knows Best entries in the collection.

Though Hal Peary made several appearances on Fibber McGee & Molly after obtaining his spin-off, the January 10, 1943 broadcast of The Great Gildersleeve is the only episode (according to my research) that allows Fibber & Molly to return the favor. I had never heard the program before, and it was a sheer hot-fudge sundae delight. In preparing for the Jordan’s visit, Gildy issues instructions to the family:

GILDY: When McGee arrives this afternoon, there are two things I want you to be careful not to do…in the first place, I don’t want you to make any reference to Fibber’s size…
LEROY: What about it?
GILDY: Well, he’s a little runt, and like all little runts he’s sort of sensitive about it…that’s why he’s so pugnacious…
MARJORIE; Oh, I wouldn’t say anything like that, Uncle Mort…
GILDY: Well, I know you wouldn’t, my dear…but I’m not so sure about Leroy…
LEROY: Wh…what did I say? Did I say anything about him being a runt? You’re the one who brought it up…
GILDY: Just don’t, that’s all…actually, he’s not so small, anyway…it’s just that he’s not as big as he thinks he is…he has the mind of a small man, that’s all…always carrying a chip on his shoulder…
MARJORIE: Oh, we’ll be careful, Uncle Mort…
GILDY: …and another thing—and this applies to both of you…I’d rather you didn’t say anything about my engagement to Mrs. Ransom…
MARJORIE: Oh, but the McGees are your friends, Uncle Mort…they’ll be offended…
GILDY: We’re not announcing the engagement just yet, my dear…we’re, uh, keeping it a secret…
LEROY: Mrs. Ransom isn’t…I heard her talkin’ to Mrs. Pettibone down at the grocery…
GILDY: We’re not announcing it to McGee and that’s final, Leroy…’cause if I know McGee, he’ll start making cracks…and if he makes any cracks about Leila, I’ll punch him in the nose…and if I do that, Molly will be upset, and if she’s upset, it’ll spoil the whole weekend—and that’s what you get for inviting McGee anyway…

Gildersleeve picks up his old friends at the train station, and brings them home his stately manor home—and the more things change, the more they remain the same:

GILDY: Well, this is it, folks…it’s no palace, but it’s home to me…what do you think of it, Molly?
MOLLY: Oh, it’s a lovely place, Mr. Gildersleeve…
FIBBER: Yeah, nice hunk of property you got here, Gildy…
GILDY: A hundred foot front by a hundred seventy-five feet…
FIBBER: That oughta give you room to spread out…and I can see that you have…
GILDY (angrily): What was that, little chum?
MOLLY (scolding): McGee…watch it…
FIBBER: Hey, Throcky—who lives next door there?
GILDY: Next door? Oh, some woman…I forget her name…
MARJORIE: Mrs. Ransom…
GILDY: R-Ran…oh yes, is that it?
MARJORIE: Yes, she’s a widow…
GILDY: Oh…so…
FIBBER: A widow woman, eh? Give you much trouble?
GILDY: Uh, no…no…
MARJORIE: As a matter of fact…
GILDY (interrupting): Marjorie! Heh…suppose you run in and ask Leroy to come out and help with the bags…that’s a good girl…
MOLLY: You know, I think nice neighbors make all the difference in the world…
FIBBER: So do bad ones…we had one once who borrowed our lawnmower and kept it so long he finally had to leave town…then he took the lawnmower with him…

And this exchange is literally worth the price of admission:

GILDY: Let me take your coat, Mrs. McGee…
MOLLY: Oh, thank you…
FIBBER: Where will I put mine, Throcky?
GILDY: Uh, I’ll take it…just hang it up here in the hall closet…
(SFX: door opens)
MOLLY: McGee…
FIBBER: What, Molly?
MOLLY: You see that closet? That’s what I mean…
FIBBER: Well, sure—anyone can keep a closet clean if they don’t use it…

Fibber has forgotten to bring a toothbrush, so he ventures into town to order to purchase one from Summerfield’s drugstore—Richard Quince Peavey (Richard LeGrand), proprietor and pharmacist. (LeGrand was also a Fibber McGee & Molly regular, usually heard in the role of Ole, the Elks Club janitor.):

FIBBER: We’re spending the weekend with a fellow up the street here and I’d like to get a little something for him as a gift…
PEAVEY: Oh…what type of gentleman is he?
FIBBER; Oh, he’s a big fat blowhard…doesn’t do much of anything but eat, sleep and brag…
PEAVEY: I’ve got something here that I think, uh, Mr. Gildersleeve would like…
FIBBER: Oh! You know him…
PEAVEY: Oh yes, he’s in here almost every day…
FIBBER: Oh…
PEAVEY: …and I think if you really want to surprise him, a nice package of bubble bath would do the trick…
FIBBER: Gildersleeve in a bubble bath? (laughing) Boy, he’d look like a blimp comin’ out of a cloud…
PEAVEY: Well, of course it…wouldn’t make much of a wedding gift, if that’s what you have in mind…
FIBBER: Wedding gift? For Gildersleeve?
PEAVEY: Why, haven’t you heard? He’s engaged to marry his next-door neighbor, Mrs. Ransom…
FIBBER: Throcky? Engaged?
PEAVEY: Yes…
FIBBER: Ah, tell me more, tell me more…

Peavey sings like a canary, and Fibber behaves like the cat that swallowed it, returning to Gildy’s and teasing his “chum” about the engagement. For the rest of the McGees’ stay, even Gildersleeve’s impromptu get-together to allow his friends to meet Leila (Shirley Mitchell) fails to dissuade Fibber from his constant needling and wisecracks.

In an essay on The Great Gildersleeve—an underrated situation comedy that has acquired a devoted following among old-time radio fans today—OTR historian Elizabeth McLeod accurately points out how the spin-off eventually evolved into a completely different comedy show; a series with a strong emphasis on gentle, character-driven comedy as opposed to Fibber McGee & Molly’s vaudeville-influenced verbal slapstick. So I was very pleased at how well Fibber & Molly are integrated into the Gildersleeve proceedings; the fine script by series scribe John Whedon accurately captures their characters and their relationship with their former neighbor and still good friend. (It’s a shame that no one considered bringing the McGees back for an encore, though Fibber’s name was mentioned on the show from time to time.) For you trivia buffs in the audience—John Whedon’s grandson is Joss Whedon, creator-director-producer-writer of the hit television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and its spin-off, Angel.

Update: Charlie Summers at Nostalgic Rumblings has a nifty link to an mp3 file of Hal Peary narrating the tale of Gerald McBoing McBoing, the famed Dr. Seuss character whose speech is sans words but is made up of sounds instead. It's cute and clever, check it out.